My Way or Zimbabwe (Episode 13)

Don: Last time on the Ridonculous Race, teams went to Finland, got heated in sauna huts, cooled down in a river and then rocked out loud. The Surfers gave the Stepbrothers some advice, only time will tell if they take it. Dani shocked everyone, including her son, when she stepped up to the stage and won the challenge. Noah was able to rock out but he actually stopped liking Emma just when she started liking him. Ellody and Mary found the one test they couldn’t pass and were promptly expelled from the race. And the Goths retired, came back, and found the source of the ice dancer’s bad luck. Where are we going next and who's going to hate it? Find out today here on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles in the camera with a glare)

(Intro plays)

(Don stands in front of the Chill Zone in Downtown Oulu. Syd and Dani stand in front with everyone else behind them. There's a Don Box next to them.)

Don: Welcome back to Finland's Chill Zone. Yesterday's triumphant winners, Mother and son, will start us off today with the first tip. (Dani and Syd walk up to the Don Box.)

(Confessional)
---> Syd: I’m still over the moon with what happened yesterday. Mom you were so incredible!
---> Dani: Thanks, it may have been a few decades but I’ve still got it. And now we can work together and keep on staying in this race.

Syd: (reads the tip) Take a taxi to Helsinki Airport and catch the next flight to Zimbabwe.

Don: (he stands in a slideshow of Zimbabwe) Located in Southwestern Africa, Zimbabwe has stunning flora, exotic fauna, and majestic scenery. (He's standing on a rock right before a massive waterfall) Once teams land they’ll have to drive here to Victoria Falls which is nearly twice the height of Niagara Falls. (Smirks) Here that North America? Your waterfalls are getting OWNED!

(Back in Finland, the teams begin heading for the airport)

Josee: Hurry!

Fabian: Come on!

Sam: Move it!

June: Quickly!

MacArthur: Hustle!

Stephanie: Taxi! Taxi!

Ryan: Maybe I should do it.

Stephanie: NO! I got this.

(Confessional)
---> Ryan: There isn’t much we agree on anymore…
---> Stephanie: I’ll agree with you on that.
---> Ryan: … but we both agreed that once we win that million and split it we’ll both get out of each other’s hair forever.

Emma: (she sees Owen and Noah about to get in a taxi) Hi Noah! (The Reality TV Pros take off) Huh?

Kitty: (shrugs) They probably didn't hear us.

(Confessional)
---> Owen: I feel kinda bad about not waiting up for Emma and Kitty.
---> Noah: Emma's not into me so why would we need to be nice? We'll still be in an alliance with them but my romantic feelings for Emma have just moved on.
---> Owen: (scratches the back of his head) I may have messed this up.

(The step brothers try to hail a taxi)

Chet: Taxi! (One stops and they get in)

Lorenzo: Nice job, I guess you aren’t as pathetic as I thought.

(Confessional)
---> Lorenzo: We talked with the Surfer Dudes yesterday and they told us to talk our problems out. We’ll try and take their advice but I’ll still hate Chet with all the ferocity of the burning sun.  
---> Chet: Me too. Still you rocked out pretty well last challenge. Who would’ve guessed all your time spent on that punk rock band game wasn’t a total waste.
---> Lorenzo: Well, It’s not like you ever beat my high score anyway, second place. (Punches him playfully and Chet doesn’t punch back)

(All the teams get into taxis and head for Helsinki airport. They arrive at the airport and are seen getting their tickets.)

Don: (voice) All the teams have hit the Don Box and are at the airport waiting to get on the next flight. (Dani/Syd, Owen/Noah, Aaryn, Leo, June/Quince, Devin, Tom, Sam, Fabian, Emma, and MacArthur/Sanders are in line getting tickets for the flight to Zimbabwe.)

(In the girl’s bathroom Carrie, Kitty, Annie, Jen, Jordan, May and Yves are freshening up and talking)

Jen: You’ve really had a crush on Devin ever since you were 4? I think that’s so sweet.

Carrie: I know, but what am I supposed to do? He’s already dating Shelly and if I say anything, the viewers will see me as some sort of boyfriend stealing witch or something. That’s not who I really am.

Kitty: Yeah, like what they did to Gwen. Eesh! Talk about harsh. Not to mention putting her on the villain’s team in all stars.

Jordan: Yeah, that was entirely uncalled for. But what really upset me the most about that season was Courtney, it was all going so well up until that part with the chart. Fabian and I are one of the few people who’ve stuck by her no matter what but even I’ll admit she can be a problematic fave sometimes.

Yves: (to Carrie) Hey, you’ve loved him the longest. You deserve as much a chance with him as Shelly.

Annie: Yeah, and although I don’t like to cast judgement without properly getting to know someone first but if what you and Devin have told me about Shelley is true, she’s probably not the best person for him anyway.

Carrie: You really think so?

Annie: Totally, she sounds exactly like the type of girl who would cheat on her boyfriend with someone else if given the chance.

Carrie: You all really think I should tell him?

May: Of course, letting the people you care the about the most know how you feel about them is one of the most important things in life.

Carrie: What about you and Fabian? You told me you’ve been best friends for years and you both have separate, yet related, date mates. How’d all that work out?

May: Well we did wonder if we should actually date. So we went on one and you know what happened? We found out that our relationship was perfectly fine at the platonic level. We didn’t need to date and marry to be happy together, in fact if we continue on our current plan we’ll be in-laws, but still we gave it a try and that’s what you need to do. You need to try.

Carrie: Wow, thanks everyone. You’ve all given me a lot to think about.

Junior: (holds the ticket until Dwayne takes the ticket) Hey! I can hold the ticket.

Dwayne: (smiles) Sorry son, but holding onto the important documents is a dad's job. When you're a dad you can hold on to as many tickets as you want. (Rubs Junior's head)

Junior: Dad! I'm not a baby!

Dwayne: You may not look like it anymore but you'll always be my little one. (Chuckles. Junior is majorly embarrassed. Notices he got a paper cut) Now let’s go get you and band aid and a lollipop.

Junior: Dad, it’s just a paper cut, I’m fine!

Dwayne: So fine a lollipop couldn’t help?

Dani: (noticing the Dwaynes) Wow, even I stopped treating you like that when you turned 11.

Syd: I guess Dwayne just doesn’t want to face the reality that his son’s already technically a teenager. Even you postponed my 13 birthday party for a month until you came to terms with the fact.

(Confessional)
---> Dani: It wasn’t really a party so much as a day on the town.
---> Syd: We just call it a party to make up for the fact that I didn’t really have friends back then. Hell this race is practically my prom. How I got a boyfriend as quick as I did is a miracle.

(Jacques and Josee are seen arguing with the man at the check in counter)

Josee: What’s so hard for you to understand?!

Jacques: We want to be on the next flight to Hawaii but we only want to be there for like 10 minutes and then we need to fly to Zimbabwe!

Man: But it making no sense!

Josee: Fine we making no sense. (Glares at him) Now stuff the opinion and give us our tickets!

(Confessional)
---> Jacques: I demand an apology.
---> Josee: What for? It’s not like I knew the lava rock was cursed when I took it. Otherwise I would’ve given it to some other team.
---> Jacques: (smirks) Apology accepted.

Kitty: (comes out of the bathroom and notices Owen all alone, she approaches him) Hey Owen.

Owen: Hey Kitty.

Kitty: I noticed that when we where all trying to make it the airport you and Noah saw us but didn't offer to help us. Is there something I should know?

Owen: Well.....After we barely avoided elimination last time Noah swore of his feelings for Emma cause he didn't think she was feeling the same way about them.

Kitty: (dramatic gasp)

Owen: Maybe I shouldn'tve said that?

Kitty: No, no Owen you did the right thing. I've got to tell Emma the truth.  

(All the teams except the Ice Dancers are seen boarding the same flight and flying down to Zimbabwe. Jacques and Josee head for Hawaii. Everyone else lands in Zimbabwe’s Harare International Airport. Outside, there are eighteen jeeps located for the teams.)

Don: (voice) With our Ice Dancers heading off to Hawaii, the rest of our teams all get on the same flight and have just arrived in Africa, they will have to take the jeeps to the don box located outside to Victoria Falls. (The best friends, surfers and Animaniacs run toward the jeeps)

Geoff: Hurry!

Carrie: Quickly!

Fabian: There go, go, go!

(The teams begin to drive off. After twenty minutes, we see the teams still driving on the road to Victoria Falls)

Annie: (reads the tip as Leo drives) Drive to Victoria Falls where the Zambezi River borders Zambia and Zimbabwe. (Smiles) Wow! I've always wanted to go to Africa. It’s the setting of the lion king, the most magical spectacle to ever grace the silver screen.

Leo: You know it’s just Disney’s singing/talking animal AU of Hamlet with another artificially crafted happy ending?

Annie: Yeah, anyway if we take Mosi-oa-Tunya, we’re golden! Gun it! (Leo drives faster)

(Confessional)
---> Leo: Annie’s really starting to take the game more seriously now.
---> Annie: Well, I just want to make it as far as possible because in all likelihood we aren’t going to see the world like this again.
---> Leo: True, true.
---> Annie: So, any way when do you think you’ll ask June to be your girlfriend? I mean you two already share so much in common.
---> Leo: We’re skipping this question.
---> Annie: Oh, come on. Relationships can only make things better.
---> Leo: Tell that to Elizabeth Taylor and Mickey Rooney. We’ve got to keep our heads focused on the prize, no distractions.

(Down the road we see the jeep driven by the Julliard students. Quince navigates while June drives)

Quince: Just tell Leo you like him. I already told him you’re available for dating.

June: Well I want him to tell me that he likes me.

Quince: Why are you so in denial over your feelings over him? Is it because he’s not hot?

June: Are you kidding! He’s like a Greco-Roman statue brought to life, prime and ready to dance with like a Degas girl! (Sighs dreamily but then returns to reality) He’s a very fine individual.

Quince: Then it’s gotta be because he’s not funny.

June: He’s got a great sense of humor.

Quince: His personality?

June: Golden.

Leo: His teammate?

June: Oh please you know it’s impossible to hate Annie.

Quince: His clothes?

June: I’d wear that.

Quince: Then it’s you.

June: Fine! It’s me! So what if it is? (Gasps)

Quince: Now I got ya. Keep your eyes on the road. (June continues to drive.)

(Further down the road we see Devin driving while Carrie navigates.)

Carrie: I’ll navigate while you drive okay?

Devin: (imitating Tarzan) Me, Devin, you, Carrie. (Imitates the Tarzan yell)

Carrie: (giggling) so adorable.

Devin: What?

Carrie: Nothing! (She turns to notice the anime nerds and the animaniacs driving up next to them. May and Jordan drive while Sam and Fabian navigate.)

Sam: Dude you call that a yell? I’ll show you a yell! (Breathes in deeply then yells like Johnny Weissmuller, it’s so loud birds are startled out of the trees and antelope hop out of the grass. Everyone claps while Fabian is still a little shaken up.)

Jordan: (Taps him on the back) Dude relax, it’s nothing you haven’t heard before. (Fabian eases up)

Fabian: Oh sorry. (Smiles like an idiot) Man I’m so excited! Safari in Africa! When we win we’ve got to come back here!

Jordan: I’ll make sure of it.

(Further back down the road, Dwayne and Junior are driving their jeep.)

Dwayne: Wowzers, Africa!

Junior: Yeah this is seriously cool! But I don't know why you can't let me drive. I drove the speedboat to Genoa.

Dwayne: Well, there's the fact you don't have a driver’s license but also you should be safe and sound wearing your seatbelt. So sit that keyster miester. (Junior glares)

(Confessional)
---> Junior: My dad still treats me like a kid but I'm practically an adult. (Shows part of his chest) Look at my chest hair!
---> Dwayne: What? Where? (Closely examines it)
---> Junior: (points) Right there! You know it's-it's blonde so you really can't see it in this light.
---> Dwayne: (raises an eyebrow) Uh huh....
---> Junior: (gets up and glares) It's there! Trust me! (Walks off-screen)
---> Dwayne: (smiles) Hehe, kids.
---> Junior: (off-screen) I AM NOT A KID!

Noah: (groans as he drives the jeep) See this is why I hate jeeps! They're noisy, too fast, and the engines are horrible.

Kitty: (she and Emma drive next to Owen and Noah but don’t get their attention) Shame Owen told me that Noah gave up on you right as you wanted to make the next move.

Emma: Yeah! Is there any hope?!

Kitty: Maybe if you showed him how much you cared for him, he’d take you back.

Emma: (groans) Great.

Kitty: (smiles) Relax Emma, it’s not like you have to do one of those ridiculous fairy tale quests which sound hard but are actually easy, and you made it harder by taking it too literally.

Emma: (smiles) Yeah! Maybe you're right! I can fix us! (They continue to drive)

(Back in the reality pros jeep)

Owen: You can’t just move on from Emma, you two are the most cynical people I’ve ever seen. You’re made for each other.

Noah: Hey if she liked me she would’ve said something already. We have to focus on the competition and block out Emma distraction.

Owen: You said Emma! You still haven’t moved on!

Noah: What? N-no I didn’t I’m totally over her.

Owen: Oh, sure you didn’t. We’ve got to tell them. (Noah guns it and Owen falls back a little) Ok, maybe later.

(Further down the road we see the cadets and the daters try to overturn each other)

MacArthur: Shouldn’t you two be making out? Got tired of all the (makes kissing noises).

Sanders: Okay, that’s really distracting, just sit there and navigate.

MacArthur: (stands up and smirks) Keep the car steady Sanders, MacArthur's gonna do what she does best.

Sanders: (raises an eyebrow) what are you doing?

MacArthur: (smiles) A little thing I like to call strategy.

(Confessional)
---> MacArthur: We studied human behavior back at the Academy so we know what makes a person react based on their personality and how much they can take before they lose it. So we’re going to push these two over the edge because they’re already close to the breaking point. Like really close, one more push and it’s off to crazy town.

Stephanie: (she’s the navigator while Ryan drives) JUST PASS THEM ALREADY!

Ryan: I can’t help it if she keeps blocking me! What do you want me to do, run her off the road?!

Stephanie: Ugh! Just take that shortcut!

Ryan: What shortcut, there’s no road!

Stephanie: Just drive you chicken!

Ryan: Chicken’s don’t drive!

Stephane: I’m calling you a coward! Genius!

Ryan: Well I’m calling you crazy! (Their arguing causes them to drive off the road)

Sanders: (smiles) Wow, I'm impressed.

MacArthur: (smirks) I didn't get an A+ in Psychology for nothing. (They drive on)

(Confessional)
---> Stephanie: At least you finally took my advice you chicken. (Clucks like a chicken while Ryan just sits there and looks into the camera like he’s at The Office)

(At Victoria Falls, Annie/Leo, June/Quince, Dani/Syd, and Aaryn/Yves arrive first and see the Don Box.)

June: (they all get off their jeeps) There's the Don Box!

Aaryn: (hears honking) Do you guys hear honking?

(Out from a bush, the daters come speeding in from the off-road experience.)

All: (Ryan/Stephanie, Aaryn/Yves, Dani/Syd, & Annie/Leo hold each other in fear. June hides behind Quince as a human shield.) AUGHHHHHH!!! (Ryan is able to stop the car as it’s just inches away from Quince)

Ryan: (sheepishly) Hey, how y’all doing? (Quince is so startled he falls to the ground. June props him back up)

Stephanie: Good, we’re in the top 5 teams. Let’s move it before anyone else gets here! (Runs over to the don box, presses the button and reads the tip) Looks like we're going on a Selfie Safari.

(Don is now in front of Victoria Falls with a jeep next to him)

Don: In this All-In challenge, teams must take the waterproof cameras in their glove compartment. (He's now on a river raft heading towards the drop of Victoria Falls) Once they have the camera, teams must take a raft and go over the falls and take an epic (his rafts falls over the Falls) SEFLIEEEEEE!!!! AUGHHHHHH!!!!! (Crashes in the water. Don takes two selfies of himself screaming as he falls. The third selfie is of him underwater in pain. His raft is now floating on the river below) Miss the shot and it's a painful climb back to the top to try again. (The raft stops at a National Park) They will ride their rafts till they reach Zambezi National Park in Zambia, home of the elusive White Rhino. Teams must then take a picture with the Rhino. (He now stands on the Chill Zone near a small village) Once they get the pictures, it's a foot race to today's Chill Zone where I'll inspect their photos. Last team here may be eliminated.

(More teams arrive at Victoria Falls, see it and gasps at the size of it. They’re all carrying their cameras and their rafts)

Carrie: W-Whoa! That's a lot bigger than I thought it was going to be.

MacArthur: (points to Carrie) That’s literally what she said. WOOO!

Geoff: (laughs) Good one! (They high 5 but Macarthur’s so strong she smacks Geoff to the ground)

MacArthur: Oops, sorry, don’t know my own strength sometimes.

Brody: (Smiles) Wicked!

Junior: Cool!

Dwayne: (smiles) Don't worry Junior, we'll be fine. All we need are some crash test dummies that look exactly like us and can take selfies, good idea? (Everyone groans and walk off) Oh well. (Junior face palms)

Dani: You know I’ve always wanted to go over a waterfall but I just figured it would be like some sort of zip line or air gondola. Never like this.

Nekota: Yeah, this show doesn’t joke around.

Don: (voice) While the teams tied for 1st place consider their options, the last place ice dancers are stuck between a lava rock and a faraway place. (The ice dancers plane is seen landing in Hawaii, they run to the wedding bay.)

Jacques: Ok, is this where you found it?

Josee: I think so, let’s just dump it. (Prepares to chuck it but Jacques stops her)

Jacques: Wait! You can’t just dump it. We need some sort of ceremony.

Josee: Fine.

(They build an altar out of rocks and do the hula until a nearby volcano emits a puff of smoke)

Josee: A sign! We’ve been forgiven! Let’s go!

Jacques: Oui! This game isn’t going to win itself!

Josee: And it certainly won’t be that girl with the special needs boyfriend!

Jacques: And I would be damned if I let myself be outranked by that full metal zombie, I’m the most dramatic blonde bisexual on this show! (They run back to the airport)

(Back in Zimbabwe teams some teams are preparing to go over the falls)

Aaryn: (holding Yves) It’s okay, just think of it like that roller coaster at Aqua World only without the safety bars. (Notices Syd) Hey you think you’ll be okay?

Syd: (holding onto his mom for dear life) Yeah, I think so!

Dwayne: (he's seen in the raft next to them tightening a life jacket on Junior) Is this tight enough?

Junior: (in pain) It's fine! I'll do it myself!

June: (Holding Quince who is still tense and holding the camera) Quince you need to take the selfie, okay? Nod if you understand. (Quince nods) Okay, well then here we go! (Their raft goes off the edge)  AUGHHHHHHH!!!! (Quince takes the photo. He’s still catatonic while June’s scared out of her mind trying to hold onto him.)

Dwayne: (looks worried) Why don't I get a few more life jackets. Huh? (He starts putting multiple life jackets on Junior)

Junior: Dad! Stop! (His face gets covered)

(Confessional)
---> Dwayne: (Junior is covered in life jackets) What? I just want him to be safe. Is that so wrong? (Junior tries to talk but it's muffled)

Dwayne/Junior: (their raft falls off the edge) AUGHHHHHHH!!!! (Junior takes the selfie of them falling. They crash into the water below.)

(Back at the top the sisters, the cadets, the gym rats, the fashion bloggers, surfers, and goths, back in their typical attire, are heading towards the water while Ryan just lays around and lets Stephanie do all the work.)

Stephanie: Get in the boat!

Ryan: (eating an apple) I will as soon as I’m done with my apple.

Stephanie: GET! IN! THE BOAT! (Holds up oar)

Ryan: You wouldn’t. (Knocks him into the water) Do you have no compassion!? (Goes over the falls) AAAAHHH!

(Confessional)
---> Stephanie: I’m not sure if this comes through on screen but sometimes Ryan annoys me a little bit.
---> Ryan: In other shocking news, Fiona’s an ogre.

MacArthur: (to Stephanie) Nice swing sister. But how are you going to get that team selfie now?

Stephanie: (Gasps dramatically then paddles out quickly and gets the camera ready) Ryan! Say cheese! (Her raft goes over the edge. Her selfie shows her smiling while Ryan is far down below)

MacArthur: Man, I love that team! No holds bar!

(More teams make it to the don box while others start rowing)

Don: (voice) As more teams face their fears, the ice dancers still face the very probable threat of elimination.

(An airplane is seen carrying Jacques and Josee to Africa. They storm into the pilot’s room)

Jacques: You need to fly this thing faster!

Pilot: Hey you’re not allowed to be in here!

Josee: (scoffs) Do you know who we are?

Pilot: Yeah, aren’t you those figure skaters who lost gold at the Olympics by just ½ a point?

Jacques: (they both glare) Just fly faster!

(Back in Africa more teams go over the falls)

(Gabriella and Nekota both cheer and smile for the camera as they go over)

(Geoff and Brody take their photo and holler as they fall)

(Sanders screams as she falls from the raft and takes the photo while MacArthur winks, smiles and says “Go Blue!”)

Kitty: (smiles while she and Emma are in a boat) A selfie challenge? I so have this in the bag.

Emma: (smiles) That’s what I like to hear!

Noah: (in the boat and is rowing) Well get in.

Owen: Watch out! (He cannonballs into his team's raft sending Noah flying) Uh oh!

Emma: NOAH! (To Kitty) Start paddling! (Both start rowing like crazy to the edge)

Noah: (flying) AUGHHHHHHHHH!!!! Take the picture! Take the picture!

Owen: (he goes over the edge at the same time Noah does and takes a selfie with Noah falling far down below him) Nailed it! (Emma and Kitty take their selfie next to them and scream. All four fall in the water.)

Aaryn: (holding the camera) You ready?

Yves: As I’ll ever be. Now, Smize! (Their raft goes over and they both scream. Their selfie shows the two of them smiling while posing like it was no big deal, they actually look pretty great. They fall into the water)

Aaryn: (Pops up then looks at the camera) Looks great! (Shows it to Yves)

Yves: Yeah I think that one’s a keeper. (They both swim to get back in the raft)

(Lorenzo and Chet playfully fight for the camera, each managing to get at least one picture with them holding the camera and keeping it way from the other)

(Dani takes the selfie while she and Syd both holler in fear)

(Crimson and Ennui go over showing no emotions. They give a flat “wee” and “whatever”)

(Down below at Zambezi National Park, Dwayne is seen frantically paddling around in the river searching for his son. He bumps into the gym rats)

Dwayne: Have either of you two seen my son?

Gabriella: Can’t say that we have.

Nekota: Maybe he’s over there. (Accidentally points to a lion) Or somewhere safer.

Gabriella: Good fingering man.

Nekota: You would know.

Dwayne: (Yelling desperately) JUNIOR!!!!!

Don: (Voice) Most of the teams have made or are making their epic leap of faith over Victoria Falls.

(Carrie grips Devin’s arm as he takes the selfie and they both scream)

Jordan: (She’s holding the camera while Fabian holds onto her for dear life) Smile! WOO HOO! (Their raft goes over and she takes their picture, it shows her smiling and Fabian still holding the same terrified expression on his face)

Leo: (holding Annie in his arms) Do you remember the plan?

Annie: Of course I do! (Leo throws her up in the air just as their raft goes over the falls. Their photo shows Annie happily smiling while Leo’s screaming a few feet further down below her.) Weee!

(May and Sam take multiple pictures as they fall. Composited together, they seem like the opening of an anime. When they splash down they both rise up and shake their hair and it all looks beautiful.)

Jen: (Clinging to Tom) Remember on the sky walk when I asked you to promise to never let go?!

Tom: (fearfully) Yeah?!

Jen: Well I need you to do it again! (They scream their loudest as they go over while Tom uses one hand to take the picture while holding onto Jen with the other)

(Confessional)
---> Jen: Ok, first we have to go on that skywalk!
---> Tom: Then we have to parachute out of a plane!
---> Jen: And now we have to take a picture while going over a waterfall?!
---> Tom: What is it with this show and challenges with heights?!

Dwayne: (climbing the waterfall) There’s no way that lion ate Junior. My son is fine. (To the camera) The family rule is if you get separated go back to the last place you saw each other. So I’m going to go back up the falls. He’ll be there I’m sure of it.

Junior: (is floating alone down the river in his raft and enjoying not being nagged by his father until he unknowingly bumps into the daters) Oh hey, I knew you were going to catch- Oh, hi.

Ryan: Hey kid, where’s your dad?

Junior: Oh, we got separated going over the falls and the family rule is if you get separated go to where you were supposed to go. Mind if I tag along?

Ryan: I don’t know if you want to get in this boat, Stephanie might hit you with an oar and push you off a cliff.

Stephanie: Oh blah, blah, blah your needs.

Junior: How did you two even manage to take a selfie? (Stephanie tosses the camera and sees their picture) Wow, pretty cool.

Stephanie: See, he thinks it’s cool.

Ryan: What does he know? He’s just a child.

Junior: Actually I’m a man, see (Pulls down shirt) Chest hair.

Stephanie: Well that already makes him more of a man than you.

Don (voice): While most of the other teams have already stated the safari challenge, the ice dancer’s plane has finally touched down and they race at this point just to not get last place.

(The plane carrying the ice dancers lands in Zimbabwe. They get off in a hurry.)

Josee: Out of our way sky waitress! (They push over a stewardess) We’ve got a race to win!

(The gym rats, Cadets, and Models are getting their rafts out of the water.)

MacArthur: (She dances as Sanders is struggling to get the raft out of the water) Team PoPo in da hiz house!

Sanders: (glares) Can I get some help here?

MacArthur: Give me a sec! (She keeps on dancing)

(Junior pulls his raft up to shore while listening to the Daters complain)

Stephanie: We’ll I only boss you around because you have no leadership skills, guts, or common sense.

Junior: Well thanks for the help but I should-

Ryan: Oh please I’ve saved us from elimination more times than you have.

Junior: I should go-

Stephanie: Are you insane!?

Ryan: I must be, I was dating you! And then I broke up with you!

Junior: Maybe find my dad-

Stephanie: Don’t remind me about that I blocked it out!

Junior: Well bye! (Leaves as they continue to bicker) Good luck, with everything. (To the camera) I don’t like to judge but those two probably shouldn’t have children.

Don: (voice) With almost all the teams searching for White Rhinos, the competition gets heated.

(A montage is shown of the teams trying to accomplish the challenge as Kingstown Jive, Kenyan highlife, Afrobeat, Rai and Juju music plays. June and Quince look around some bushes until some striped hyenas chase them away. Annie and Leo find a meerkat colony. The meerkats glare at them and prepare to attack until Annie smiles at them, calming them down and causing them to nuzzle up against the siblings. Dani and Syd hold each other as they stand on a rock in fear of a rock python. Owen/Noah get near a watering hole. Owen is so tired than he begins to drink from the watering hole. A crocodile rises from the water and glares at Owen. He and Noah scream and run away. Gabriella and Nekota are searching around some trees until something is thrown at Nekota’s head. They look up to see olive baboons laughing. Turns out it was a melon. They angrily argue with the baboons. Fabian is playing in the dirt with bat eared foxes and having the time of his life. When Jordan asks to leave she finds May and Sam are hanging out with a pack of African hunting dogs, she decides to join them. Tom and Jen take a moment to admire the African crowned crane’s beauty with a photo. A bunch of oxpeckers start combing through Yves and Aaryn’s hair but they don’t mind. Ryan and Stephanie come up to a watering hole and see a hippo yawn. Stephanie gets so scared she jumps into Ryan’s arms and they run away. She stares at him lovingly for a few moments but then remembers her hatred of him. Carrie is seen photographing a bunch of ostrich chicks and their father, then Devin turns her attention to show her the herd of Cape buffalo, zebra, wildebeests, eland, kudu, hartebeest, springbok, cattle egret, and Thompson’s gazelle and she photographs that too. Kitty takes selfies with a bunch of African animals like ibis, aardvark, aardwolf, warthog, crested porcupine and serval while Emma looks around. Chet and Lorenzo encounter a baby elephant and try to pet it, but its mother and grandmother come along and chase both of them away screaming. Junior takes some time to pet some springhares. Dwayne continues to search for his son. Crimson and Ennui are holding an umbrella over their heads to block out the sun while a bunch of vultures follow behind them. They both smile a little. Brody and Geoff look around until some giraffes start licking them. Brody and Geoff smile.)

(Twenty minutes later)

Sanders: (she and MacArthur clear a bush and see a rhino) There's a rhino!

MacArthur: (smiles) I got this. (Walks over to the rhino)

Sanders: (worried) You can't just walk up to it! It's a giant! It will kill you.

MacArthur: Relax, Sanders. I've owned tons of dogs. The trick with animals is to show them you're in charge. Observe.

Sanders: Rhinos aren't dogs!

MacArthur: (goes up to the rhino) Hey rhino! Sit! (Gives a thumbs up to Sanders)

Sanders: B-BEHIND YOU!

MacArthur: Huh? (She turns to see the rhino glaring and snorts in her face) AUGHHHHHHHHH! (She and Sanders run in fear)

(Confessional)
---> MacArthur: That was so weird because usually with dogs that works so well.
---> Sanders: Rhinos are not dogs!

(Elsewhere June and Quince continue to search)

June: Good thing we lost those pesky hyenas.

Quince: Yeah, what was their problem anyway? (They bump into the siblings) Oh hi Annie! Hi Leo!

Annie: Hi! Isn’t this place fun?

Leo: If you don’t regard everything trying to kill you then yes.

June: (Laughs but tries to stifle it) So have you found the rhino?

Annie: No, but we’ve meet so many other wonderful animals like vultures, hyenas, lions, cheetahs, painted wolves and not to mention those meerkats that nearly attacked us.

June: You really do see the value in everything don’t you?

Annie: Of course, all life has meaning and value, even Jacques and Josee. (Weaver birds, starlings, bee eaters and hornbills perch on her like a saint)

Quince: You’re just magical, like a fairy or something.

Annie: You’re not the first person to say that but no one’s ever said it like that before. (They both stare at each other sheepishly)

Leo: (to June) So…. (Tries to say something but can’t) You…. Wanna search for the rhino together?

June: Yeah that sounds like a good idea. (They both try to act causal about it)

(Confessional)
---> Quince: God! What’s taking these two so long to spit it out?
---> Annie: It’s Leo, he believes love is a pointless game.
---> Quince: Nah, its June, she refuses to let emotions control her so she always goes by logic and I don’t think logic says she should date him.
---> Annie: Getting these two together will be hard.

(The fashion bloggers and the best friends are searching until they see a rustling bush)

Tom: Look. (Jen takes out her camera while Devin takes out his)

Carrie: On three. One, two, three! (Devin and Jen tackle the bush and soon hear a yelp. Tom and Carrie look in the bush to see their partners piled on Junior.)

(Confessional)
---> Junior: Had I known I would be tackled while urinating in a bush in Africa I would’ve held it in!

Carrie: Oh my goodness are you sure you’re okay?

Junior: Yeah I’m fine, I mean (deepens voice) I’m fine.

Tom: Hey where’s your father?

Junior: We got separated but no big deal.

Jen: You mean you’re out here all alone?

Junior: Yep and I feel great. (Looks down on the ground and sees rhino tracks) Hey rhino tacks.

Devin: Good eye young man.

Carrie: Oh, getting formal are we.

Junior: Yeah most men probably wouldn’t’ve noticed that but I’m not like most men.

Tom: Yeah you kind of need to be 18 to be a man. (They all follow the tracks)

(Elsewhere Ryan is standing sheepishly next to a white rhino that’s grazing while Stephanie tries to take a picture)

Stephanie: Are you waiting for it to die of old age? Touch it!

Ryan: If you don’t like it show me how it’s done.

Stephanie: Fine! (Hands him the camera and poses with the rhino. It tries to leave but-) Stand still! (It stays and Ryan takes the picture a bit dumbfounded) See? Nothing to it but to do it. (They leave to the chill zone)

(MacArthur and Sanders are taking a photo in front of a rhino that is tired and panting)

MacArthur: (To the rhino) I guess 45 minutes of running was just too much for you! Boom!

Sanders: There’s the chill zone. (They run off)

Don: (voice) As the first of our teams head for the chill zone our last team heads to start the first challenge. (Josee is driving the jeep as Jacques navigates. Suddenly he sees something)

Jacques: Stop! There’s someone on the road! (Josee brakes and we see that someone is Dwayne, covered in dirt and has taken off his shirt to use as a makeshift hat.)

Dwayne: Have you seen my son?

Josee: Nope, haven’t seen him, don’t really care. So (honks horn)

Dwayne: I’ve lost junior! My own flesh, blood and sperm, he’s gone! GONE!

Josee: Yeah, your wife is going to kill you. Now get out of the way!

Dwayne: I deserve it. I mean what’s the #1 rule about parenting?

Josee: Never let your child get in your way of an Olympic gold medal?

Dwayne: No, you never let your kid get eaten by a lion while going over a waterfall.

Jacques: That seems awfully specific.

Dwayne: Well who cares about some dumb medal? I’ve heard those things are only worth like 5 dollars anyway. (They both gasp)

Josee: (angrily) Now can I run him over?!

Jacques: (just as angry) Yes! (Josee slams on the gas and Dwayne jumps out of the way, he continues to look for Junior)

(Back in the park, Dani and Syd continue to look for a rhino)

Dani: Thank god that was only a python and not a spitting cobra.

Syd: Yeah, but with our luck we’ll probably run into a cape buffalo. (Notices Aaryn and Yves) Hey! (Aaryn and Yves run towards them) You guys seen a rhino? (Notices the oxpeckers) Or noticed the birds in your hair?

Aaryn: Oh these, they’re just searching for ticks. (One bird plucks some hair from his head) Or nesting material. And no we haven’t. You guys?

Dani: No but why don’t we all work together like an alliance should.

Yves/Aaryn/Syd: Ok. (They start walking till Yves notices something in the bushes)

Yves: Hey what’s that? (A ratel pops out and snarls at them all) A skunk?

Syd: That is a honey badger, also known as the ratel. It is highly territorial and vicious, and I think it just noticed us. Run!  (They all run screaming until they run into a zorilla)

Aaryn: Is that a skunk?

Syd: Actually it’s a zorilla, a type of weasel, and it smells even worse! (They run off elsewhere and run into the gym rats, scratched up but none the less worse for wear)

Aaryn: What happened to you two?

Nekota: We got in a turf war with a troop of baboons, we beat them though.

Gabriella: Still they put up a good fight. Have any of you found the rhino?

Yves: No and now we’re being chased by an angry badger and a smelly weasel! (The two mustelids approach all six of them snarling. Gabriella growls at them, they get so scared they leave whimpering like puppies.)

Syd: Hey why don’t you two come with us? We could seriously use the extra protection.

Gabriella: Good idea, come on! (All six of them leave)

(Elsewhere we see Chet and Lorenzo looking for a rhino)

Chet: Man those elephants were hostile but at least we escaped them.

Lorenzo: Yeah if anything happened to you I don’t know what I’d tell mom.

Chet: Mom? Not “your mom”?

Lorenzo: Well she’s kind of my mom now and I’d hate to see her heartbroken.

Chet: I guess what the surfer dudes said was right, we may have forced into each other’s lives but we can choose to make the best of it. Wanna just sit and talk?

Lorenzo: Sure. (They sit down and start to talk)

(Meanwhile the cadets are still running to the chill zone)

Sanders: There it is!

(The surfers take a selfie with a rhino, the flash blinds it and they leave)

(Elsewhere the animaniacs and the anime nerds are still looking around for a rhino)

Fabian: Man has this day been great or what?! I mean (takes out the camera to show various photos) impala, zebra, wildebeest, Cape buffalo, painted wolves, aardwolves, bat eared foxes, griffon vultures, Egyptian vultures, ruppel’s vultures, lappet faced vultures, Masai and reticulated giraffes, elephants, springbok, kudu, waterbuck, sable antelope, rock hyrax, ground hornbill, secretary bird, klipspringer, marabou stork, serval, warthog, hyena, ratel and honeyguide, AND African crowned crane!

Jordan: Well this day’s been just fine for me but it will only be great once we finally find that rhino and get to the chill zone.

May: That reminds me, what’s our plan of attack is when we find it? I mean those things can overturn a truck.

Fabian: Simple, we just have to stay out of its tiny field of vison 30 meters away and not make any noise as we approach it.

Sam: I don’t think that makes things any easier for us. (They run into the best friends, the fashion bloggers, and Junior) Oh hey everyone.

Jen: Hey, hey, hey. Still searching for the rhino? Follow us we’re on a trail.

May: Sweet. (They all walk off till the find the dazed rhino the surfers used) Found it! Okay everyone who wants to be in the selfie, POSE! (Sam, Fabian, Carrie, Jen and Junior approach and pose. Sam and Jen pose professionally, Carrie and Fabian pose casually and Junior kisses the side of the rhino’s head. Their respective partners all take their photos, May also takes Junior’s photo, and they all head off to the chill zone.)

Junior: (to Tom) You know when I kissed the rhino I just pretended it was Carrie.

Tom: Yeah that’s not weird at all.

Jen: (to Sam) You pose like you’ve done this before.

Sam: Actually I did work for Calvin Kline for a while but it wasn’t really my speed. But now I’ve got a more lucrative, better paying, and more fun job.

Jen: Oh do tell.

Sam: I’d really rather not discuss it in front of a 13 year old. (Points to Junior)

Jen: Well how about when we’re alone?

Sam: Okay.

(Further a head the cadets see the chill zone within their sights but also see the surfers catching up with them. They run as fast as they can to outrun them and make it there first. Both teams collide onto the carpet of completion and hand Don their cameras)

Don: Photos check out, first place to the cadets, second place to the surfers! (All four of them cheer as Don looks closer at the pictures) Geoff one question. How do you keep your hat on while going over the world’s highest falls? (Geoff and Brody grin)

(Confessional)
---> Geoff: (Holding a bottle of glue) White stallion glue, will hold, mold, and won’t cost you gold. You have the solvent right? (Brody nods in approval)

Don: MacArthur and Sanders for coming in first place this leg you both win a guided safari tour of Krueger national park in South Africa. (The cadets cheer) And here come some more teams. (Devin/Carrie arrive) 3rd! (Tom/Jen arrive) 4th! (Fabian/Jordan arrive) 5th! (May/Sam arrive) 6th! (Stops Junior) I’m sorry Junior but you must wait until your father comes until your team has officially made it to the chill zone.

Junior: My dad’s still not here? (Worried) Oh no.

Jordan: Don’t worry I’m sure your father will make it, have faith.

Jen: Well we’re alone. So what’s your new gig? (Sam takes out a photo of him in black underwear posing seductively against a bunch of pillows. Jen looks a little weirded out) Ughh…?

Sam: (coyly) Yeah, I’m a fetish model now.

Jen: And May doesn’t mind?

Sam: No and neither does my family either.

Jen: You lucked out in both the girlfriend and family lottery man.

(Elsewhere we see the stepbrothers still talking)

Lorenzo: Dude what Dick should have done is gathered all the stalkers into the courtyard of that prison and then unleashed that gas bomb they had reserved, that could’ve killed all of them just like that! (Snaps fingers)

Chet: Well if Caroline just left her boyfriend behind rather than go back and save him they wouldn’t have been cornered in that prison in the first place, seriously she should’ve just dumped him and left him to the stalkers long ago.

Lorenzo: That’s what I’ve been saying!

Chet: Nice to see we like making up new ways to kill the zombies in The Stalking Dead.

Lorenzo: And we agree on which relationships are crap. (They laugh) You know what, this has probably been the most fun I’ve ever had with you, ever.

Chet: Me too man, guess the surfers where right. If we just talked it out we’d be friendlier.

Lorenzo: (looks around) Why don’t we search for that rhino now?

Chet: Thanks for reminding me, we were having so much fun I almost forgot about the challenge. (They get up and go back to searching)

(Confessional)
---> Chet: Who would’ve guessed we shared so many things in common?
---> Lorenzo: Yeah turns out we like a lot the same video games, songs, movies, and we don't have a lot of friends! It's awesome!
---> Chet: (smiles) I know! (Chet and Lorenzo high five)

(Elsewhere, Owen, Noah, Emma, and Kitty have found a rhino. Owen takes a photo of Noah in front of a rhino)

Emma: Are you guys done?

Noah: Yeah, it’s your turn now.

Kitty: WAIT! (They look at her.) First, let me take a few selfies! (She grabs her phone and K pop music plays as she takes many selfies. She takes one of her and the rhino. She takes one of her and Emma who looks confused. She takes one of her and Owen who smiles. She takes one of her and Noah who looks so done right now. She takes one with a lion pride that doesn’t attack her. She takes one with a leopard in a tree and one with a bunch of vultures over a wildebeest’s carcass. She takes one with a baby giraffe. She takes one with the elephant family the step brothers encountered. She takes one with the hunting dogs May, Jordan, and Sam encountered. She takes one with the ratel and zorilla that Gabriella scared off. She takes one with the baboons the gym rats fought)

Noah: (completely over it) You done?

Kitty: (laughs) Yeah, I'm good. (Gasps loudly) RHINO!

Owen: (he turns to see a rhino glaring at him) Oh, hi there. (Nervously laughs) RUN! (He and Noah run in fear from the rhino)

Emma: NOAH! (She and Kitty run after them.)

Owen: (he and Noah run from the rhino) This seems awfully familiar somehow.

Noah: We need to split up. At least that way one of us will be safe. (Noah smiles and shakes Owen's hand) It's been an honor serving with you.

Owen: (salutes) Sir yes sir! (He and Noah look back) One...

Noah: Two...

Owen/Noah: THREE! (They run off in separate directions. The rhino follows Noah.)

Noah: (looks back and groans) You have got to be FREAKING KIDDING ME!

Owen: (laughs nervously) Hehe, uh oh.... (Runs after him)

Noah: (He keeps running until he trips on a rock and falls on the ground. The rhino is gaining on him. Noah turns to the camera.) Well, this looks like the end of me. Mom and Dad just to let you know I’ve always loved you even if I don’t always show it and to the rest of my brothers and sisters feel free to fight over my room when I’m gone. And Heather if you’re watching this, with my last words I curse you, you insipid heartless bitch! (Shrugs) To be honest, I figured I would die on tv but I thought for sure Chris would be the one responsible for it, the rhino is unexpected. (He closes his eyes and waits for the rhino to hit him. Out of nowhere, Emma jumps in and saves Noah. She ends up on top of him while the rhino runs on.)

Noah: (his eyes are still shut from fear while Emma is on top of him) Am I dead?

Emma: (laughs) Not quite.

Noah: (he opens his eyes to see Emma) Emma? You saved me?

Emma: (smiles) Of course I saved you. You mean a lot to me.

Noah: (smiles) You mean a lot to me too. (They smile at each other. Their love for each other has returned. Owen and Kitty arrive at the scene.)

Owen: As cute as that is, what do we do now?!

Kitty: (gets an idea) I know! (Runs behind an acacia tree) Hey over here you ugly ass unicorn with the fingernail horn! (The rhino gets angry and charges at her, though nervous she stands her ground and the rhino is unable to break through the tree. Instead it is a little dazed and then the tree falls on it. Noah and Emma get out of the way in time and the rhino is knocked dazed and confused.) Let’s go! (They all run off to the chill zone)

Emma: (To Kitty) That was equal parts smart, stupid and risky. Good plan.

Kitty: Thanks. Now let’s make it to the chillzone! (They all run off)

(The gym rats, mother/son, & models, along with the siblings and the Julliard students see the dazed rhino and take advantage. Syd, Yves, Annie, Nekota, and June pose while their respective partners take their pictures.)

(Back at the chill zone the Daters arrive)

Don: You take 7th place. (They hug each other in approval and look lovingly into each other’s eyes for a few moments until they remember their hatred and stare away)

(Confessional)
---> Stephanie: Call me crazy but the hating is really working for us so I’m going to keep it going.
---> Ryan: Yeah, I’m still gonna hate her, no matter how hot she is.
---> Stephanie: Me too. Who cares for sculpted arms and rock hard abs? I hate him like I hate post rock music!

Don: More teams are coming! (Gabriella/Nekota arrive) 8th! (Owen/Noah arrive) 9th! (Kitty/Emma arrive) 10th! (Dani/Syd arrive) 11th! (Aaryn/Yves arrive) 12th! (Leo/Annie arrive) 13th! (June/Quince arrive) 14th!  (To the models) And these are seriously good! (Shows both of their photos to the camera)

Yves: Thanks! I guess I should thank Kristie for providing me with the experience of rhino posing.

Aaryn: Yeah, now I almost feel sorry for what I did to her turkey burger.

Tom: Can we have those pics?

Aaryn: Sure man. (Tom squees)

(Elsewhere Dwayne continues to search for Junior)

Dwayne: (aimlessly) Junior! (His call alerts a rhino which chases him)

Don: (voice) 15th! (The goths selfie shows them, a bunch of vultures and a rhino staring blankly into the camera) 16th! (The step brothers selfie shows them being chased by a rhino) Only two teams are left and only one spot remains! (Looks at a nervous Junior) Well, 1.5

Junior: Come on dad don’t disappoint me!

(Dwayne searches the waterfall again. Up above, the ice dancers prepare to go over the falls)

Josee: Here it comes, hold it! (They fall. She takes the selfie of her and Jacques struggling to keep their graceful ice skating pose. They fall in the water. The ice dancers are now seen looking for a rhino while another one chases Dwayne. The ice dancers find their rhino and take the selfie with Josee posing on top of it like it’s nothing.) There! The chill zone! We’re going to make it! (She and Jacques run. They hear Dwayne screaming behind them and run faster. Dwayne is clinging to the rhino’s horn)

Jacques: Oh, no! We didn’t fly all the way to Hawaii for nothing! RUN!

Junior: (sees the ice dancers coming) Well I guess dad and I are done for. I guess I should’ve paid more attention to what he said.

Carrie: Maybe not, look! (The rhino with Dwayne on its horn is chasing the ice dancers)

Junior: DAD!

(The rhino runs, eventually knocking Jacques and Josee out of its path.)]

Jacques: I... hate... Rhinos!

(The rhino hears this and comes to a screeching halt. Dwayne flies off the horn and lands face first on the chill zone as the rhino chases the ice dancers)

Junior: Dad are you ok?

Dwayne: Junior! (Hugs him) You don’t know how happy I am to see you! Unfortunately I didn’t take any pictures. I just had to find you!

Don: Actually Junior already completed the 2nd half of the challenge. (Holds up their camera) So you two take 17th place! (They cheer)

(The rhino still chases the ice dancers)

Jacques/Josee: We love rhinos!

(Confessional)
---> Dwayne: (hugging Junior so tightly he start to suffocate) I’m so proud of you! Now let’s make sure your mom never sees this episode!
---> Junior: (struggling to breath) Yeah. Sure. Dad… that’s enough!

(Jacques and Josee finally arrive at the chill zone all beaten up and give their camera to Don)

Jacques: (to the rhino) And stay down!

Don: Ice dancers-

Josee: (starting to cry) We know, 18th, Last place, eliminated!

Jacques: (choking up) We just want our fans and our country to know that we tried our very best, and we wish-

Don: Well good news for you is that this is a non-elimination round!

Jacques/Josee: (hug each other while jumping up and down and crying) Yes! We’re still alive!

(Confessional)
---> Josee: Our luck HAS changed! We’re still in the game and we’re back and better than ever!
---> Jacques: Now nothing’s going to stop us!
---> Josee: The rest of those teams are
---> Josee/Jacques: GOING DOWN! (They laugh maniacally)

(They continue to laugh while Don watches awkwardly)

Don: Well that’s all kinds of creepy. Will they creep their way back to the top? What drama will unfold next episode? Find out next time on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera)

(END OF EPISODE)