Don: Last time on the Ridonculous Race, our teams took a blistering stroll through Hawaii. Geoff and Brody showed their love is real as they took first place. Josee may have picked up some bad luck, Syd told Aaryn about his feelings and it seems they started dating, Kelly told Taylor she's not that Chipotle after all, the fashion bloggers and the bf’s may be a new thing and Owen and Kitty discovered Noah's crush on Emma. The daters came in last but “lucky” for them it was a non-elimination round. Let the madness continue. This is THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera causing a glare)
(We're back to the Ridonculous Race. The camera shows the Chill Zone from last episode which is in Hawaii. Don stands in front with a Don Box at his side.)
Don: Welcome back to the Ridonculous Race where our contestants are about to say aloha to Hawaii. Geoff and Brody will be our first team to grab tips. (Geoff and Brody walk up to the Don Box)
---> Geoff: Dude, I don’t know what’s crazier, the fact that we’re in first or that we’re not in last.
---> Brody: Dude, deep!
Brody: (presses the button and reads the tip) We're going to Dooby?
Don: (He is seen in a slideshow of Dubai) Or as it’s more commonly known as Dubai, an oasis of luxury, man-made islands, and malls so big that even teenagers get lost in there. (A skeleton holding shopping bags and wearing teenaged clothing collapses) Once here, teams must take a bus to Burj Al Arab, the only hotel in the world with a seven-star rating, and find the next Don Box.
(All the teams grab taxis and head to the airport. At the airport, a clerk works at the front desk. He turns to grab some coffee. As soon as he turns back around he sees Geoff/Brody, Owen/Noah, Emma/Kitty, Carrie/Devin, Josee/Jacques, Jen/Tom, Jordan/Fabian, May/Sam, and Lorenzo/Chet in line. They frantically all try to get tickets.)
All: DUBAI! / TWO TICKETS PLEASE! / NOW!
Clerk: (checks the computer) Next flight to Dubai carries eighteen people. All other contestants on next flight.
Dwayne: (the first nine teams are in front of him and Junior cheer) Yeah! Alright! First flight!
Junior: (he sighs) Dad count again.
Dwayne: (counts) Two... four.... (Facepalms)
---> Junior: Already on the last flight, again. (Unenthusiastically) Yeah.
---> Dwayne: Hey! Don’t count us out yet kiddo. Remember last time, we we’re all on the same flight but it was delayed.
Don: (voice-over as Dwayne/Junior, Kelly/Taylor, MacArthur/Sanders, Annie/Leo, Gabriella/Nekota, Crimson/Ennui, June/Quince, Syd/Dani, Aaryn/Yves, Mary/Ellody and Stephanie/Ryan wait in line for the tickets onto the next flight) While the last eleven teams wait to get their tickets on the next flight, the first nine teams are about to fly Air Dubai which has one of the best first class sections in the world. Winners only. (The 1st nine teams walk through the extravagant first class section. Geoff and Brody cannonball into a first class hot tub and are offered free cookies.)
Brody: (eats one) Delicious! (Offers to the others) Cookie?
Jacques: (gasps) May we? (The flight attendant kicks Jacques out of first class and closes the curtain)
Geoff: Guess not. (Eats another cookie)
Jacques: (groans and turns to Josee) That should be us! How did we get 4th place?!
Josee: Relax, Jacques. I know today will be our day. (Smirks, takes out lava rock and glares at it) Forged from molten lava, this rock embodies my fiery determination to win! (Laughs manically)
Jacques: (smiles) Excellent! Our luck will definitely take a good turn now! (The overhead compartment opens as all sorts of heavy and painful objects fall on top of him.) Why?!
Don: (stands in front of the teams waiting to get their tickets) Both flights are leaving to Dubai, the second one an hour later. It should be a quick flight. (Gets info from his earpiece) What?! Seventeen hours?! Ah well, plenty of time for them to enjoy each other’s company. (Stephanie and Ryan look away from each other)
---> Stephanie: Oh, the silent treatment? (Shouts) Well bring it on! I’m gonna be so quiet you’ll hear pins dropping!!
---> Ryan: Good.
(Flight number one is already in the air. The fasten seatbelt sign goes off)
Noah: (to the camera) I know the seatbelt sign is on but why even bother. (The camera zooms out to show Owen is sitting on Noah)
Owen: (laughs) It's cozy.
---> Owen: Flying is the scariest! I usually squeeze my teddy bear Beary but I ate him so now I squeeze my Noah! (Grabs Noah and squeezes him tightly)
Owen: So Noah, you want the window seat?
Noah: (looks and smiles) I'm gonna pass this time.
Owen: (notices Noah smiling at Emma while she and Kitty read magazines) Oh really? (Laughs) But you always want the window seat. What's different now? (Nudges him while Noah looks at him funny)
Noah: (shrugs) I dunno. Been feeling weird lately. (Buries his face in a magazine)
Kitty: (to Emma) I was thinking maybe we should form an alliance with another team. It could really help us in the game. Maybe Owen and Noah?
---> Emma: Dealing with Kitty is enough already and a whole other team would be worse.
---> Kitty: Oh come on, some of the people on this show aren't that bad.
---> Emma: Well Annie’s too trusting and Leo doesn’t even trust his own shadow. Chet and Lorenzo can't stop fighting with each other for more than five minutes. Josee and Jacques win a lot but they're also really annoying. Ellody and Mary may be smart but they aren’t all that athletic. I’ve met horses more intelligent than Geoff and Brody. Dani’s nice but older so she could slow us down. Fabian always has his head in clouds. Aaryn and Yves don’t seem all that useful. Gabriella seems volatile. Sam and May are kind of crazy. Carrie and Devin are way too close. Dwayne tries to act young while Junior tries to act older. Sanders is too much of a rule-follower while MacArthur literally breaks all the rules. Tom and Jen squee constantly. Ryan and Stephanie either make out or argue too much. Crimson and Ennui barely talk to anyone. June’s too bossy while Quince just sits there and takes it. Taylor whines while Kelly complies with her bratty daughter’s needs.
---> Kitty: (surprised) Wow, you've thought of everything haven't you.
---> Emma: (smirks) Lawyer, remember?
Emma: (looks at Owen and Noah while Kitty listens) Noah's a snarky know-it-all. Do you have idea what it's like to be around someone like that? (Kitty rolls her eyes) And Owen is just Owen.
Kitty: But they're pros! They know what to do.
Owen: Almost got it! (struggles to put on his seatbelt until he farts and oxygen masks come out) Whoops.
Noah: (glares at Owen) I'm going to hang in the bathroom where it smells better. (He and Emma come face to face) H-hi.
Emma: Hey. (Walks off while Noah gushes over her)
(Back on the second flight June is practicing yoga in her seat. She’s performing some sort of headstand)
Taylor: Do you mind? I don’t wanna be staring at your feet for 17 hours.
June: Oh, sorry. (Sits back normally in her seat.)
Kelly: (to Taylor) I like the way you handled that, honey.
Taylor: Oh. Do I get a fake trophy for that? (Crosses her arms)
---> Kelly: Taylor, I'm sorry I lost my temper on you. But I really thought you needed a proper lesson.
---> Taylor: Oh then you're totally forgiven.
---> Kelly: (smiles) Really?
---> Taylor: (glares) No!
Kelly: (she goes up to Dani and Dwayne who have an empty space next to them) Is this seat taken?
Dwayne: (nervous) Y-yes.... I mean sure.... If you want.
Kelly: (sits and sighs) I just can't get Taylor to forgive me.
Dani: Now, now tell us all about it. Parent to parents.
Kelly: Well I guess it all started when she was 3…
(Back on plane one, Noah is staring at Emma while she leans against the bathroom wall. Owen and Kitty look from their seats.)
Kitty: Ughh, they're both so snarky and full of themselves.
Owen: How are they not a couple yet?
Kitty: It's Emma. She's still not over her breakup from her last boyfriend, Jake.
Owen: Oh, still fresh?
Kitty: (sighs) It was three years ago.
Kitty: Yeah. Getting these two together will take some work. (She and Owen smirk as they fist bump)
Fabian: So Hawaii was fun right?
Sam: Yeah I could’ve swam in that bay forever.
May: Is it bad that I’m nervous about heading to a Middle Eastern country?
Fabian: Don’t worry the United Arab Emirates is relatively peaceful. And only 10% of the population is native.
Jordan: Dudes, what if there’s a tragedy on one of the flights carrying the teams and like half the cast gets killed? Do you think they’d end the show right then and there?
Sam: Nah they’d probably still keep going, that’s far less completion for the rest of the teams and they can use the drama as a selling point. Reality tv producers are soulless. (They all laugh)
---> Jordan: See if I said that to anyone else they’d run off disturbed. This is why I only have 3 friends. One of which shared the womb with me.
(Flight number one is seen landing in Dubai and the nine teams enter a bus that takes them to the Burj Al Arab)
Don: (voice) Flight number one has landed in Dubai and the teams are being shuttled to the Burj Al Arab.
Noah: (grabs the tip and read) It's an Either-Or. Serve or Squeegee?
Don: (He's standing on the top of the Burj Al Arab. There's a tennis court up there. A big tennis machine is seen on one side.) Teams can either serve up one hit each from the world’s toughest tennis ball launcher, the Tennis Menace! (The Tennis Menace throws a tennis ball at a crash dummy which shatters on impact.) Ouch. (He now stands on the other side of the roof where there are window carriages) Or teams can wash an entire column of windows from the top down. (The wind picks up as a window carriage begins shaking and a squeegee falls towards the ground. It catches fire and incinerates as it nears the ground. Don saw what happened and goes to his earpiece) Are you sure legal cleared this? (Gets an answer) Really? Wow. Anyways, teams from flight one were the first to get here so they have the choice of serve or squeegee.
Geoff: Serve! (He and Brody, Carrie/Devin, Lorenzo/Chet, Josee/Jacques, Jordan/Fabian, May/Sam, & Tom/Jen head for the tennis courts)
Noah: Squeegee! Let's go! (He and Owen, and Emma/Kitty head for the washing carriages)
(At the tennis courts, the teams come face-to-face with the Tennis Menace. The wind is blowing insanely.)
Sam: Wow, it’s like a Nike commercial up here!
Tennis Menace: (Brody comes up with Geoff) Participate.
Geoff: You got this bro?
Brody: We got this!
---> Brody: Tennis is the ultimate wimp sport.
---> Geoff: No checking, no tackling. Just a fluffy ball.
---> Brody: It's like super-sized ping pong, what can so be dangerous about it?
Geoff: (The Tennis Menace starts firing repeatedly at the Surfer Dudes who run away) We don't got this! (They run past Carrie and Devin)
Devin: (holds Carrie) I know you're scared but it's okay. I know you'll be great. (She smiles as she gets ready to serve) Anyway Shelly hangs out with her tennis instructor like all the time. He says that tennis is a mental game.
Carrie: (gets unfocused and the tennis ball knocks the racket out of her hand) What?! (Frowns) Aww... (Tom and Jen seem intrigued)
Chet: (laughs at Carrie) Ha! (Gets hit by a ball and falls)
Jen: (to Carrie) You ok? (Runs back screaming as the machine launches balls at her)
---> Lorenzo: Way to go dork! Now we're in the back of the line!
---> Chet: (smirks) You're just jealous I talked to a girl.
---> Lorenzo: So that's why she screamed in terror when you talked to her. (Laughs until Chet tackles him off-screen)
---> Jen: Did you see that?
---> Tom: Yeah, Carrie giggled after Devin gave her words of encouragement.
---> Jen: She was totally ready to take on that machine until Devin brought up his girlfriend.
---> Tom: You don’t think?
(Back on flight number two, Kelly is still talking to Dwayne and Dani)
Kelly: And after she crashed her third sports car I wanted to cut up her credit card but I knew she would steal mine so why bother. Still, that's parenting right?
Dani: Your parenting maybe.
Dwayne: Well, I mean teens are a bit harder to handle right? (Sips drink)
Kelly: Oh no. This all happened when she was ten. The real trouble started when she was twelve. (Dwayne spits out his drink while Dani does a double take)
Dwayne: Well Kelly, I believe the real problem is that Taylor has no boundaries, well either that or she was just plain born rotten.
Kelly: (gasps and throws her drink in Dwayne's face) How dare you?! (Walks away)
Dwayne: (drenched) Yeah, I probably could have rephrased that better.
Dani: Exactly what I was thinking.
Kelly: (thinks) Hmm...
---> Kelly: Maybe I have been too lenient with Taylor over the years.
Dwayne: How do you deal with your son’s outbursts?
Dani: Oh, Syd never disrespects me or the law or any kind of rules. He doesn’t have the gall to do it or the nerve to break my heart. He told me so straight to my face.
Dwayne: Ah, that’s sweet he’s so obedient.
Dani: I guess it’s nice but I really want him to break out of his shell and experience new things, that’s why I’m on this race.
Dwayne: I’m doing the same with Junior. Anyway how have things with your son been on this race?
Dani: Oh, just great. Syd even made a boyfriend.
Dwayne: He’s gay?
Dwayne: Huh, I’ve never know someone who’s bisexual. It’s important that Junior learns that all types of people exist in this world and they all deserve the same proper treatment and respect. (Pulls him in closer)
Junior: (was listening to his headphones the entire time and didn’t hear anything, so he pulls one off) Wait, what? (Puts it back on)
Dwayne: So who’s he dating?
Dani: That model boy, Aaryn. (They look across the aisle to see the models and Syd talking)
Dwayne: Well if they decide to have a surrogate and he’s the sperm supplier you can guarantee you’ll have beautiful grandchildren.
Yves: I’m so excited for you two. (To Aaryn) You’ve found someone new to date and I think this one’s a keeper.
Aaryn: I’ve dated a lot of people in the past.
Syd: I’ve heard.
Aaryn: Many where nice but didn’t feel permanent. You, you are definitely someone special. I can just feel it. You feel the same about me?
Syd: Yeah. So anyway I was thinking. Although we’re dating I don’t want what happened to Gwen and Trent to happen to us.
Yves: Good point.
Syd: So while we’re now officially dating, I think we should refrain from actually dating until one of us gets eliminated.
Aaryn: You’re still gonna help us with the challenges, right?
Syd: Sure, I’m not that heartless.
---> Syd: Always get your priorities straight. Acquire boyfriend then make sure he doesn’t get in your way of winning $1 million.
June: (is directing Leo/Annie, Gabriella/Nekota, and Quince in an impromptu yoga class in first class.) Now I want you all to bring yourselves down lower. (She lowers her legs over her body. Everyone else tries but only Gabriella/Nekota can do it.)
---> Gabriella: Man I had it all wrong, yoga feels great. I’ve never felt better.
---> Nekota: When we get back home victorious, we should sign up for a yoga class.
Annie: (Talking to Quince) Does she do this to you every day?
Quince: The torture? Yes. The yoga is only occasional.
June: Had enough? (Smirks at him)
Leo: Just watch me. (Manages to assume the position) Yeah! In your face! (Learns he’s stuck in that position.) Help! (Everyone surrounds him)
Annie: Oh no, is anyone a chiropractor?
Ellody: Us to the rescue.
---> Mary: We may not know or believe in the Vulcan death grip but we did study all the pressure points on the body.
---> Ellody: Just in case someone cuts in front and needs to be corrected.
(Back at the Burj Al Arab, the teams that chose Squeegee are noticing the high winds. Owen and Noah look down nervously. Emma and Kitty walk up to them.)
Kitty: Hey! What a coincidence. We're doing the same challenge too!
Owen: Maybe we should work together?
Noah: (smiles) I like that idea!
Emma: (growls at Kitty) No alliances! Come on! (She and Kitty lower themselves down as do Owen and Noah)
---> Emma: Remember Kitty, we're here to win first place. No surrender and no-ah distractions.
---> Kitty: (raises an eyebrow) Did you just say Noah?
---> Emma: (goes wide eyed) ZERO distractions. (Clears her throat)
(Back at the Dubai Airport, flight number two is seen landing in Dubai as the eleven teams exit the plane and enter their shuttle bus taking them to the Burj Al Arab.)
Don: (voice) As teams from flight two head on the shuttle bus to the Burj Al Arab, the heat is on.
Owen: (cleans a window) Man, this is tough but we're making good progress. How many is that?
Noah: (the camera zooms out to show that they're only on the first window) One. (Sighs)
Kitty: (the wind picks up while she and Emma clean) I'm starting to think tennis wasn't such a bad option. Maybe we should switch.
Emma: Too late, we've already washed a few windows. (Grabs one lever) Just help me lower this thing. According to the manual we have to pull both levers at the same time.
Kitty: What? Why would they build it like that?
Emma: Why would they build a tennis court on the roof?! Pull on three. One, two, three! (They pull the levers but the carriage suddenly leans to one side as the hang on) AUGHHHHH! (Looks at Kitty) Gonna say this is your fault.
Kitty: (sighs) Of course you are (They both scream in fear)
(The shuttle bus carrying teams from flight two reach the Burj Al Arab and they grab their tips)
Don: (voice) The teams from flight number two finally arrive just in time to catch up.
Yves: (looks up at the hotel) Ooh I wonder what the challenge will be here.
Syd: I highly doubt it’s staying here overnight and ordering room service.
Mary: (reads the tip) Serve or squeegee?
(They all look up to see Emma and Kitty hanging from the carriage and screaming)
All: (worryingly) SERVE!
---> Mary: Tennis has all to do with with angles and speed constant variables which come to us as easy as breathing. I mean they actually expect us to wash windows?
---> Ellody: Indeed, what do we look like? Maids?
---> Crimson: We may actually have an advantage. Ennui's parents made him go to tennis camp once.
---> Ennui: I really don't want to talk about it.
(At the tennis court, all the teams doing serve wait in line. Fabian/Jordan, May/Sam, and Carrie/Devin are up to serve.)
Tennis Menace: Participate.
Fabian: I bet Gerry and Pete are having a nice big laugh at this back home. Saying “We would’ve had this challenge in the bag, just like our arthritis medication and copper joint sleeves. (Laughs)”
Jordan: Hit first then make jokes later.
Fabian: I got this.
---> Fabian: I may have hated P.E almost as much as math throughout my entire academic career, but I think I can do this.
(The tennis menace fires a ball at Fabian and knocks him right off his feet.)
(The teams from flight #2 arrive at the top. The Tennis Menace begins firing at the teams who aren't serving and they cower in fear)
---> MacArthur: This challenge is dangerous, I love it!
---> Sanders: I guess there’s no weaseling out of this. (Sighs)
Junior: (smiles) Cool!
Dwayne: (grabs Junior) Oh no. We'll be switching to window cleaning.
Kelly: Us too. (To Taylor) If that's okay with you.
Taylor: (rolls her eyes) Might as well since all my tennis trophies are a sham.
Nekota: You still want to do this?
Gabriella: Of course, as athletes there’s no situation we can’t handle. (Grabs a racket)
Quince: Man, it’s like a Michael bay film up here.
Annie: Yeah minus all the explosions, the over reliance on America and cgi, the blatant and unnecessary product placement, the stereotyping of women and minorities and plot points that only show up every 45 minutes.
Mary: What’s our strategy?
Ellody: Like Sun Tzu said “We must analyze our enemy and exploit his weaknesses” Watch then strategize.
Gabriella: (goes up to the tennis menace and it fires at her, though she almost fails she returns the serve) Yes! (To Nekota) You’re up next man.
Nekota: (sarcastically) Great. (A ball is fired at him and he tries to serve it back but only succeeds in launching it at the net, it stretches back and then is launched and hits Quince right in the gut) Ooh! Sorry man!
Mary: Any weaknesses there?
Ellody: About the machine or Gabriella? Because either way I saw few.
Dani: I love watching Wimbledon but I don’t think I can handle this.
Syd: Window washing it is.
Aaryn: Ditto man. (They all leave)
May: (Helping Fabian back on his feet) Well let’s switch challenges since this is obviously WAY out of our wheelhouse.
Jordan: All of us? I mean 3 of us haven’t even served yet and I… (Tennis menace fires a ball which opens a hole right through the middle of her racket) agree with you wholly. Let’s go. (They all leave)
Jacques: Shut up I’m trying to serve!
Devin: Good luck.
---> Devin: I’ve watched Shelly perform tennis for years. Jacques has a better chance of hitting a beach ball than a tennis ball.
(The Tennis Menace fires and Jacques returns the ball. Devin is impressed)
Devin: I’ll shut up now.
Josee: (Kisses her good luck charm and prepares to face the machine. Suddenly a seagull lands on her head, distracting her as the machine fires.) What?! Interference! (She gets pelted and eventually gets knocked down.)
Devin: Better luck next time. (Jacques runs to Josee and picks her up)
Jacques: Josee, mon petit chou, we won’t make podium by waiting in line. We must switch to windows.
Josee: Fine. But afterwards I’m throwing a massive tantrum.
---> Jacques: Tantrums run in her family. Once I was late picking her up from practice and her mother threw a massive tantrum. She attacked me with a lamp.
---> Josee: I don’t miss that lamp.
---> Jacques: And we certainly don’t miss her mother being on this show.
(Dwayne and Junior wash the windows)
Dwayne: You see son, the right way to wash a window is too...
Junior: Just wipe it?
Dwayne: Yeah, you pick up on this quickly.
(At the washing carriage carrying mother/daughter)
Kelly: (glares) So he thinks he’s parent of the year?
Taylor: Mom, these windows aren’t going to wash themselves.
Kelly: (starts cleaning) You’re right, good call.
---> Kelly: These challenges are good for me and Taylor to spend some bonding time together. We’re so busy back home.
---> Taylor: I’m actually busier than her but I try to squeeze her in.
(Leo gets ready to face the Tennis menace, it fires one round which he misses entirely and another shot sends the ball through his racket, cutting it up like French fries. The third shot is the one he manages to return.)
(Annie faces the machine while Leo looks on worried)
Leo: You sure you got this?
Annie: Yeah! (The machine fires a ball at her, she hits it with her racket but the force is so great it sends her flying back into Leo’s arms) Ok, maybe I don’t.
June: I’ve got this. (She faces the Tennis menace and successfully returns the shot with all the style and grace you’d expect out of a ballet dancer.)
(Quince approaches next and misses all his shots)
---> June: Contrary to popular stereotype, Quince is a terrible athlete.
---> Quince: It’s true.
(Stephanie and Ryan face the machine)
Stephanie: Prepare to meet your match!
Ryan: What are you gonna do? Annoy it to death?
Stephanie: Watch! (Glares at the Tennis Menace as it fires a tennis ball at her. She hits the ball hard causing it to hit the Tennis Menace directly and fall off the Burj Al Arab. Everyone is shocked.) BAM!
(The Tennis Menace lands on Emma and Kitty's carriage which startles them. Then it malfunctions and aims at the Sisters)
Tennis Menace: P-participate-e.....
Emma: (Kitty cowers behind her) Uhhhh, is this part of the challenge?
Kitty: (it fires at them) AUGHHHHHHH!!!! (She uses the squeegee to block all the balls)
Emma: (crouching) Seriously?! Why didn't we choose tennis?! (One of the balls hits a lever causing Emma to hang on to the Tennis Menace as she dangles over the edge) Uh oh! HELP!!! (She holds on) HELP! (Above them, Owen and Noah hear Emma's screams. She and the Tennis Menace fall) AUGHHHHH!!!
Noah: (freaks) EMMA! NO!
Emma: (falls) AUGHHHHHHH!!!! (Is caught by Noah while the Tennis Menace falls past her) Huh?
Noah: Hey clumsy, you dropped something. (They gaze into each other's eyes)
---> Noah: You know that moment when you actually cared if someone died. I didn't. (Owen frowns) Until then.
---> Owen: (tears up) That was so beautiful.
---> Emma: Okay, I guess Noah isn't the worst human being in the world.
---> Kitty: Nicest thing she's ever said.
(Jacques holds up Josee as they wipe a window and see a man in shades on the other side. They just stare at him blankly. He and holds up a paper with a 9 on it. Josee and Jacques smile)
---> Jacques: Just because a task is menial doesn’t mean you skimp on artistic presentation.
---> Josee: The goal is to achieve greatness. Winning will then be thrust upon us.
Taylor: (she looks at her mom) Wipe faster mom!
Kelly: (puts on a fake smile) Yelling won't help sweetie.
Taylor: Oh please, I yell at the maid all the time and she works faster.
(Back at the tennis court, a helicopter brings back the Tennis Menace. It's all busted up and sparking)
Tennis Menace: Participate.... (Sparks and throws a tennis ball at everyone. It falls to the ground and bounces slowly past Devin and Carrie)
Devin: Wow! This will be so easy! Anyone can clobber that. Even the geniuses. (Carrie laughs)
Ellody: Well that’s a major weakness, let’s exploit it!
Gabriella: Oh come on! You call this a challenge now?
Nekota: Shut up, this makes our jobs so much easier.
(Back at window washing, Owen/Noah and Emma/Kitty are all on one carriage together)
Emma: Well I'm glad to be alive and all but I'm kinda bummed we're gonna tie for last.
Kitty: Could you be more negative?
Noah: Well, she implied we'll finish. We only have one squeegee and you guys lost your only bucket of water.
Owen: Well, I know a way we can win this but you guys have to agree to an alliance first.
Emma: (sighs) Fine. (Noah smiles) What's the plan?
Owen: I will be our squeegee!
Emma: He can't be serious can he? (Owen takes off his shirt and douses himself in water) He is.
Noah: Welcome to my world.
(The camera goes into the room that the TV Pros and Sisters stand in front of. Inside an Arab man walks out of the bathroom and sits in a seat. He grabs a drink and looks out the window. Suddenly, Owen presses himself against the glass. He goes wide eyed and spits out his drink)
Owen: Hi! How are you? (Chuckles as he turns to Noah who holds him in place and Emma and Kitty who hold the controls) Let her drop! (They starts falling fast)
(May and her alliance is about halfway done when she notices what Owen is doing. Suddenly she gets an idea.)
May: I’ve got an idea!
(Later, we see that May has used hairspray to get her hair into shape like a peacock’s tail. She then covers her hair in the soapy water then instructs Sam to help her hold it in place against both sides of a window)
May: Let her go man!
Fabian: Okay. (He and Jordan both hold the controls so their carriage falls fast)
(Back at the tennis court, Annie is about to serve until she hears the screeching of the windows because of Owen.)
Annie: (shivers) That sound! (Waves her racket around like crazy) Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! (She unknowingly returns a ball in her frustration)
Geoff: Whoa! Nice moves, tiny girl!
Annie: I’ll have you know I’m exactly as tall as the great Meryl Streep.
Leo: Annie you served back!
Annie: Really? Let’s go! (They head off)
Leo: (To June and Quince) Don’t die.
June: Don’t tell us what to do.
Dani: (Hears that screeching noise) Syd, do you hear that?
Syd: Unfortunately yes. (To the models) You hear that? (The models are washing a window until the noise causes it to shatter)
Aaryn: Well that’s one less window for us to clean. (They laugh mirthlessly)
Josee: (she and Jacques are near the bottom) Two windows left and the gold is ours! (Suddenly, the TV Pros/Sisters speed pass them and crash on the ground) NO! Hurry! (She and Jacques clean frantically)
Kitty: (cheers) Yay! Go Owen! (Owen falls on the ground. His stomach is super red.)
Noah: Way to take one for the team, big guy. (Kitty gives Owen back his shirt and he puts it back on)
Owen: (laughs) I feel like I just took a roller coaster through a car wash.
Emma: (presses the Don Box and reads the tip) Find the Chill Zone in the Gold Souk. The what?
(Don is now seen standing in front of an extravagant mall. The mall sells everything gold and even the mall is painted gold.)
Don: The Gold Souk. Just a normal plaza where everything is made of gold. (Walks through the Gold Souk and stops in front of a shop) To reach the Chill Zone inside this store, teams must take taxis. Some of which are made of gold. (A plump Dubai man walks up to Don. His clothes are made of gold and even his ice cream is gold) Wow. They really like gold here. (Don takes out his own scoop of black diamond and licks it) Huh, pretty tasty.
Josee: To the gold! Now!
(May and her team arrive at the bottom as well)
Sam: Man that was insane even by my standards. You okay?
May: (Her hair looks like a weaverbirds nest) Fine. (Starts brushing it out) Now let’s go! (They all leave)
(Meanwhile on the tennis court, Ellody/Mary, Geoff/Brody, Quince, Nekota, MacArthur/Sanders, Crimson/Ennui, Ryan, and Chet/Lorenzo hit the tennis balls with ease and run to head to the Gold Souk. Carrie is up.)
Devin: You can do this Carrie. Just think: What would Shelly do?
Carrie: (snaps) I'm not Shelly and I never will be! (She runs off the court)
Devin: Wait! Stop! Nobody is! (Runs after her)
---> Devin: What was that all about?!
Jen: (Stops Devin) Trust me you’ll only make it worse if you’re the one that caused her to get upset in the first place. (To tom) Tom, you calm down Carrie, Devin and I will take our turns.
Dwayne: (he and Junior come up to Kelly/Taylor, Dani/Syd and Yves/Aaryn. Taylor is still in the carriage.) Glad we all finished. Looks like we need to go to the Gold Souk now.
Taylor: (rolls her eyes) Took long enough. (She looks down and gasps) There's bird crap on my shoes! (She takes off her boot and rubs it on Kelly) There, totes better.
Kelly: (glares) Ok that's it! I’m not a doormat! (She pulls the lever causing her daughter to be lifted twenty feet above them hanging) You’re in a timeout! Work out your issues!
Taylor: You can't do this! I'm your daughter!
Kelly: (smirks) Actually, yes I can.
---> Dani: Good for Kelly standing up to her daughter like that, but now her team is kind of stuck. (Laughs)
Yves: (To Taylor) Man, you brought that upon yourself. Bye! Love those boots by the way I have the same pair myself.
Taylor: If you didn’t dress so chipotle and I were on the ground I’d so slap you!
(Owen/Noah and Emma/Kitty arrive at the Souk)
Owen: Okay, everyone we’re looking for a golden chill zone. Actually everything here’s gold. How are we gonna find it?
Noah: (stops to point out a store selling Gilded Chris statuettes from season 2) Check it out, they even have dollar stores here.
---> Emma: It wasn’t really that funny, but I decided to laugh anyway.
Noah: (they’re all at the foot of the chill zone) Ladies first. (Offers for Emma and Kitty to go first)
Emma: Really? (Smiles) Wow I don't know what to say.
Owen: Maybe you should enter before the Ice Dancers get here. (The Ice Dancers are seen running quickly to the chillzone)
Emma: Right! (She and Kitty reach the Chill Zone before Owen and Noah)
Don: Sisters and Reality TV Pros, congratulations! You're in 1st and 2nd place! (They smile) And for coming in first Emma and Kitty get a $7500 gift card to the Gold souk and a free stay at the Burj Al Arab.
Emma: (stunned) A 7 star get away? Pinch me I’m dreaming. (Kitty pinches her) Oww! Not literally.
---> Noah: It’s not for the $1 million so I let her have it. Still it would’ve been sweet to stay at that hotel. (Owen nods)
---> Emma: That was really sweet of Noah to do.
---> Kitty: See, that alliance is looking real good right now. And we got a free getaway out of it, hey wanna play some tennis during our stay? (Emma slaps her) Oww! Yeah I probably shouldnt’ve said that.
Don: Josee and Jacques, you've come in fourth!
Jacques: What?! We didn’t make podium at all?!
Don: What podium?
Josee: There’s always a podium! Who got here before us?!
Don: Uh, Annie and Leo. (Camera pans over to them)
Leo: Me and Annie took one of the non-golden cabs.
Annie: Way faster.
Don: (Josee's eye twitches) Josee? You okay? Your eye is kinda twitching.
Josee: (glares but smiles) I'm fine. (Twitches more)
---> Jacques: (Josee is seen throwing a tantrum while throwing many expensive items and smashing them. Jacques gives a reluctant smile to the camera.)
Don: Here come some more teams! (Ryan/Stephanie arrive) 5th! (May/Sam arrive) 6th! (Jordan/Fabian arrive) 7th! (Dwayne/Junior arrive) 8th! (Gabriella/Nekota arrive) 9th! (MacArthur/Sanders arrive) 10th! (Mary/Ellody arrive) 11th! (Yves/Aaryn arrive) 12th! (Dani/Syd arrive) 13th! (June/Quince arrive) 14th! (Geoff/Brody arrive) 15th! (Crimson/Ennui arrive) 16th! (Chet/Lorenzo arrive) 17th! With three teams remaining and two spots left, it looks like it will be a close one. Or maybe not.
(Tom and Jen are shown getting into a taxi and leaving)
(Back at the Burj Al Arab, Taylor still hangs from the carriage while Kelly waits below for her to apologize)
Kelly: Taylor I’m going to show you what you attitude has done to us. The tip from the Don Box says we have to go to a mall! Filled with gold! We could be shopping right now!
Taylor: (looking sad) I-I didn’t know. I’m sorry mom, like so sorry! For everything!
Taylor: Well maybe for half of everything. You may not be cool and kind of embarrass me but as long we can go shopping I’ll pretend you aren’t lame.
Kelly: That’s all I wanted to hear. (Lowers the platform and they rush to find a taxi)
(Back on the roof Carrie finally returns a shot and the best friends leave)
---> Carrie: (in a taxi) I’ll feel terrible if we lose because of my bad tennis skills.
---> Devin: No, don’t feel sorry. I’m sorry if I said anything during the challenge that made you lose your focus. Tom and Jen, well mostly Jen, helped me see that. With or without this race we’ll still be friends, we still have each other.
---> Carrie: It’s ok, you didn’t know. And you’re right Tom and Jen did help us out today, maybe we should work with them if we’re still in the race after today.
Don: (Tom and Jen arrive) 18th! Only one spot remains, who’s gonna get it?
Tom: Do you think they'll make it?
Jen: Hey whatever happens, happens. But let's make a quick prayer to Chanel just in case. (Both start praying)
(Outside, two taxis stop at the mall. Both teams spend some time looking around for the chill zone)
(Devin/Carrie and Taylor/Kelly see the Chill Zone at the same time. They look at each other, then sprint for it.)
Don: Here they come! (Each team passes each other little by little until….) Best friends take 19th place! (Devin and Carrie hug each other in relief) Mother and daughter I’m afraid this is where you leave us. (Taylor looks disappointed)
Kelly: Hey I know what’ll cheer you up. Shopping! (They leave to go browsing around the Souk)
Don: Well that ends another episode! Will Stephanie and Ryan get back together? Will Emma start accepting Noah's affections? Find out next time here on THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles into the camera)
=== Best of Kelly and Taylor === (A slideshow of Kelly and Taylor’s best moments are shown on the screen as they voice-over)
Kelly: (voice) I hope I never have to touch another camel again, but I thought Venice was spectacular. Not to mention Paris and your drawing were lovely.
Taylor: (voice) I know, it was so good. Also I can’t believe your upper body strength, I need to see your trainer yesterday.
Kelly: (voice) You know it’s funny. We entered this race to get more money but we left with something better.
Taylor: (voice) Yeah, a Prada bag with gold leaf on it!
Kelly: (voice) I meant a stronger bong.
Taylor: (voice) Yeah I guess that’s nice too. (They’re seen getting into a taxi with all their shopping bags) Hey if we want to shop more we should consult a professional.
Kelly: Oh, and one last thing. I’m cancelling your allowance and we’re going to have a nice long talk with your father when we get back home.
Taylor: (sarcastically) Great. (Taxi drives off)
(END OF EPISODE)