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Don: Last time on the Ridonculous Race! Our teams went shopping for some spices and then rode camels through the Moroccan desert, they then built up a hardy appetite and I lost mine. (Gags) Seriously, these people are disgusting. The winners were Best friends, Devin and Carrie. Everyone else was a loser in my book but we could only eliminate one team. That DIShonor went to the wannabe wizards. But that was last time, and this is now aka THE RIDONCULOUS RACE! (Smiles at the camera causing a glare in the camera as the intro starts)

(Intro begins)

=== Moroccan Chill Zone === (All the contestants wait in a line in order of their placing last episode in front of a Don Box. Devin and Carrie stand in the front where Don is also there.)

Don: Yesterday's Chill Zone is today's starting line. The teams leave in the order of which they arrived yesterday. Starting today will be Devin and Carrie.

Devin: (Reads the tip) Looks like we're going to Paris.

(Carrie gasps)

(A slideshow of Paris is shown on the screen)

Don: Paris, France. Home of the Mona Lisa, tiny coffees, the Cathedral de Notre Dame and other things that annoy the hell out of me. (A mime is seen dancing) Once in Paris, teams must make their way to the Eiffel Tower to receive their next travel tip.

(All the teams have gotten their tips and are now riding the mopeds to the airport. Carrie/Devin are in the lead with Leo/Annie behind)

Devin: (Carrie is holding on tight to him) H-hey can you loosen your grip, homie?

Carrie: (loosens a bit) I'm sorry. I'm just really excited for Paris. It's THE most romantic place in the world!

Devin: Yeah it is. (Carrie is love-struck) And I’m going to go back with Shelly if we win.

Carrie: Right...... Shelly.......

MacArthur: (she's driving with shades on while Sanders holds on and she makes siren noises) Police business! Coming through!

(They pass Devin/Carrie and Leo/Annie)

MacArthur: (she and Sanders high five) Yeah! We're in the lead! (Josee and Jacques pass smiling very hard) What the-?! Come on!

---> Josee: Being sports heroes we never know when the camera is on us so we have to smile all the time.
---> Jacques: ALL the time, even in our sleep.
---> Josee: And boy does it hurt. (They smile very wide)
---> Jacques: (still smiling) After a few months, the feeling in your face goes away.

---> MacArthur: What's up with those Ice Dancers? Do they ever stop smiling? Do they sleep that way? Do they cry smiling? I'm going to find out! No matter what! (Growls in anger)
---> Sanders: (Laughs) She's a little fixated.
---> MacArthur: I JUST WANT TO KNOW!

Taylor: (Kelly is driving while Taylor sits in the back) Come on mom! Doesn't this thing go any faster?

(Jay and Mickey are riding until they crash into a billboard throwing Mickey off)

Mickey: Wait! (Runs to catch up to his brother)

(Ennui drives as Crimson holds an umbrella over herself)

Sam: (May is driving while he sits in the back) Préparez-vous à avoir envahi Paris!

Fabian: (Jordan is driving while he sits in the back) He seems happy.

Jordan: When isn’t he?

Jen: Come on! (She drives while Tom is carrying a giant rug that slows them down)

---> Jen: If we knew that we were going to the fashion capital of the universe, we wouldn't have bought that Moroccan carpet.
---> Both: PARIS!!! (They both EEEE)

Jen: Drop the rug Tom. It's slowing us down.

Tom: What?

Jen: Tom! We’re going to Paris i.e. the place we’ve been dreaming about forever.

Tom: (sighs) Fine. You’re free. (He throws the rug where it flies in the direction of Dwayne/Junior)

Junior: Watch out for that carpet dad! (The rug hits them and they crash. The gym rats and the models see this and just cringe)

(Meanwhile, Laurie and Miles are pedaling their moped. Mother/son and the Julliard students zip by them)

---> Miles: We walked our camel through the desert yesterday instead of riding him so he could stay hydrated.
---> Laurie: Today we're pedaling our moped so we won't waste the fuel. (Gasps) Imagine if there was a way we could give our moped to our camel, right?
---> Miles: Yeah, totally.

Chet: (he's driving the moped but Lorenzo is covering his eyes) Get your hands off my face!

Lorenzo: Get your face off my hands! (They continue on)

(Some teams have reached the airport by now)

Josee: (she and Jacques pose for the clerk) Two tickets to Paris! Any flight upgrades for Olympians? (Jacques raises his eyebrows)

Clerk: (types on the computer) Ah yes! Free upgrades for all gold medalists people.

Josee: (glares but maintains her smile) On 2nd thought economy will be fine. Thank you.

(Other teams start running to the ticket counter, Gerry and Pete hear a honking noise behind them and turn around to see Geoff and Brody on their moped. They then drive their moped into a pile of suitcases and luggage)

(Confessional at the airport)
---> Brody: (He and Geoff are covered in laundry) I love mopeds. I tried to jump one over my pool last summer but winded up smashing into my neighbors gazebo. (They laugh)
---> Geoff: Dude, we shouldn’t laugh. We totally ruined that wedding. But still...
---> Both: Free cake! (They continue laughing and fist bump)

Jen: (she and Tom have their tickets when they run into Junior and Dwayne who have bruises and cuts) Oh my god, what happened to you guys?

Dwayne: The strangest thing. We were just minding our business when a giant carpet came out of nowhere!

Tom: (gulps) A carpet?

Dwayne: Yeah, it hit us like a brick wall! Could’ve killed us!

Tom/Jen: (They begin to laugh nervously as they walk away from them)

(Dwayne/Junior, Syd/Dani, Rock/Spud, Chet/Lorenzo, Emma/Kitty, Kelly/Taylor, June/Quince, Laurie/Miles, Yves/Aaryn, Ellody/Mary, Jay/Mickey, Tom/Jen, and Crimson/Ennui wait for the next flight.)

Don: (voice) Thirteen teams wait anxiously at the airport for flight number two, which doesn't leave for another 30 minutes so we covered it with sad face stickers, which is hilarious. The other eleven teams are already in the air and Paris bound.

(Flight number one is seen landing in Paris)

Don: (voice) Flight number one has landed and the race for first place is on!

(A flight stewardess is about to open the door to the plane but the eleven teams from flight one slam the door on her)

Annie (stops): Sorry! (Helps her back up)

Leo: No time to apologize, come on! (Drags her)

Carrie: Taxi! (She and Devin enter one)

Gabriella: Taxi! (She and Nekota enter)

Owen: (he and Noah enter a taxi which leans to the left due to Owen's weight) Eiffel Tower please.

Gerry: (he and Pete enter one) To the Eiffel Tower my good man.

=== Eiffel Tower === (The first eleven teams have arrived at the Eiffel Tower and the taxis park up front. It's night time)

Josee: Gold Medal! Woo-hoo! (Large jolt) AAAAAHHH!

Jacques: What was that?! (They get out and notice someone crashed into their taxi) Who would do something like that?!

MacArthur: (exits proudly) Nailed it!

(The gym rats go the Don Box and press the button to get their tip)

Nekota: (reads the tip) It's a Botch-or-Watch.

Don: (He's standing by the Eiffel Tower with a table next to him with sketch pads and pencils. There is a French man with him who is missing an ear.) In this Botch-or-Watch whoever didn't drink the stew in Morocco must draw a caricature of their partner. When this local French artist approves of the drawing, you'll receive your next travel tip.

(Other taxis arrive and people start on the first challenge)

(Carrie is drawing Devin who is posing casually)

(Jacques is drawing Josee who poses as if she's figure skating)

(Fabian is drawing Jordan who is posing like the Aphrodite of Cnidus)

(MacArthur draws Sanders, who poses as if she's shooting someone)

(May is drawing Sam who is posing like the Discobolus of Myron)

(Nekota is drawing Gabriella who is doing the wonder woman pose)

(Geoff is drawing Brody who is flexing)

(Annie is drawing Leo as he sits on bench)

(Noah is drawing Owen who is eating)

(Stephanie is drawing Ryan who begins flexing his pecks while she stares lovingly at him)

(As this happens, flight number two lands with the frowning stickers on them.)

Don: (voice) This just in! Flight number two has just landed!

(The thirteen teams from flight number two race to the taxis and they drive off to the Eiffel Tower)

Don: (voice) As teams from flight two are starting to reach the Eiffel Tower, teams from flight one strain to finish the first challenge.

(Geoff continues drawing Brody who is struggling to maintain his pose)

Geoff: Donesters. (Gives it to the artist, it is crudely drawn and shows Brody flexing)

Brody: Dude, you drew me awesome. (The artist approves and they get their tip, they high five)

Owen: (noticing this) aww. I think the way they support each other is beautiful, we should hug.

Noah (deadpan): No.

Owen: Well maybe we could just high five?

Noah: Face forward! (A few new teams arrive and start the challenge)

Geoff (reading the tip): Go down, down, down. Find the cheese so round, where your next tip is found. (They notice a rat that goes down into a manhole and they follow it, the police cadets arrive with their drawing)

Don: (flashes a flashlight into his face showing a cavern with many skulls and bones on the ground, in piles, or on the walls.) Welcome to the Catacombs, where ancient Parisians buried the victims of the plague! Teams must use their noses to find the exit and to receive their next tip hidden amongst these rolls of cheese. (A huge pile of cheese rolls are seen along the riverside)

(As everyone is either drawing or going through the catacombs, one taxi gets a flat tire near shopping malls. It’s Tom and Jen in the taxi.)

Tom: A flat tire in the middle of boutique heaven during a midnight madness sale? Come on!

Jen: The universe wants us to go shopping, its fate.

Tom: Or the ultimate test of our wills.

Jen: Tom! No! We’re already behind. We can't get distracted and go shopping.

---> Jen: If we come in last we’re going home.
---> Tom: And hello, the longer we are on the race the more we can promote our blog.
---> Together: Now Trending with Tom and Jen!

Tom: Of course it will take him a while to change that tire.

(They run out and start squeeing)

(Back at the tower Devin and Carrie present their drawing to the artist)

Devin: What do you mean no? She got an A in art last semester. (The artist shows them the drawing which depicts him shirtless and surrounded by hearts, cupids, and flowers) Oh! I see. Too realistic. (Leaves to pose again)

Carrie: (bashful) Yeah… Too realistic…

Kitty: (drawing Emma while she reads a book) So are you dating anyone new at university?

Emma: (looks up) Yeah his name’s international and comparative anti-trust law curriculum.

Kitty: (continues drawing) I’m thinking of getting a pixie cut.

---> Kitty: Emma’s always been the serious one and after her boyfriend Jake broke up with her 3 years ago. She's been really... (Is cut off by Emma)
---> Emma: Fine! I've been really fine! I don't need to talk about this and I especially do not need a boyfriend! I need a law degree and my sister to focus on the game.
---> Kitty: And a boyfriend! (Emma glares)

(More taxis arrive and teams spill out of them, Jay and Mickey approach the stand with the sketch boards, Mickey struggles to grab the pencil)

Jay: Come on Mickey, show that pencil who’s the boss. There’s two of us and just one of it.

---> Jay: It was a Tuesday morning. Mickey’s pencil case broke, pencils where everywhere. He slipped on one and fell down the stairs landing on pencils the whole way down. He’s been afraid of them ever since.

(Noah and Owen present their drawing to the artist. It shows a cartoonish version of Owen about to eat the Eiffel Tower. Noah and the Artist laugh while Owen looks along confused, he gives them their tip and they head off)

Owen: Wait, I wanna see the picture.

(Inside the cab carrying Gerry and Pete, they are shown sleeping until Gerry wakes up, he looks outside the window and sees the Eiffel tower. He quickly wakes up Pete)

Pete: Finally! Couldn’t you have driven us here a little faster?

Cab Driver: We’ve been here a while, you two have just been asleep this whole time.

Gerry: What?! Why didn’t you just wake us up?!

Cab Driver: You two old men looked so cute, I didn’t want to disturb you. (They don’t like being called old or cute)

---> Gerry: We may be old but we have just as much energy as the other teams, from about 5 am to 4 pm.
---> Pete: After that we get a little groggy. (Laughs)
---> Gerry: Groggy? I haven't seen the moon since 2003. (They keep laughing)
---> Pete: Really? Cause I got a moon for you, right here! (Points to his butt. They laugh)

Gerry: Let’s move it! (They run to challenge)

Lorenzo: It's a good thing I'm the one doing the drawing. I'm an awesome artist.

Chet: (rolls his eyes) Maybe. But is your artwork on the fridge back home? (Laughs at him)

Lorenzo: Whatever, you're just jealous of my artistic abilities.  (Mary and Ellody notice this argument and look puzzled)

---> Ellody: Those two are... peculiar.
---> Mary: Peculiar? They’re constantly bickering for the most moronic reasons. I'd say they argue like Bull Moose, but that would be an insult to the entire deer family.
---> Ellody: (laughs) Excellent retort.

(Jordan notices teams are everywhere and they haven’t left)

Jordan: Come on man it doesn’t need to be the next Mona Lisa. It just needs to be passable. (Fabian finishes and shows the drawing to the artist, it shows Jordan as a cyborg alien warrior princess having slain a huge beast in a post-apocalyptic landscape, the artist approves and gives them their tip) Come on let’s go!

Fabian: Wait what about May?

Jordan: She’s a big girl, she’ll catch up with us. (Fabian follows her and they head into the catacombs)

Fabian: Can we keep the drawings?

Jordan: If we don’t lose then yes.

(May presents her drawing to the artist, it’s a profile drawing of Sam like one might get for a tattoo, the artist is ready to approve but then May interrupts)

May: Wait there’s more! (She flips the pages showing she made multiple drawings of him in multiple styles) Cubist, Surrealist, Pop Art, Minimalist, Conceptual, Post Modern, Constructivist, Abstract, Expressionism, Abstract expressionism, Futurist, Dada, Pointillist, Impressionist, Art Nouveau, Art Deco, Fauvism …. (The artist stops her and just gives her the tip)

Sam: Sweet, let’s go. (Both proceed into the catacombs)

=== Catacombs === (Some of the teams have already entered the catacombs while the others draw. There are skulls everywhere.)

Ryan: (he and Stephanie are walking) Baby if you got the plague I would throw myself on top of your diseased ridden body so we can die at the same time, in the same way, and be put in the same coffin together.

Stephanie: That was the most adorable thing I've ever heard. (They begin making out)

(On the surface, Annie presents her drawing to the artist which is Leo done in the style of a Margaret Keane painting)

Leo: I haven’t looked like that since I was 6. (The artist approves and gives them their tip)

Annie: (reads the tip and sings) Into the tombs without delay, I really hope we’ll find the way. Into the tombs who knows what may, be lurking underneath there. Into the tombs to find the tip and then get on the journeying. Into the tombs. Into the tombs. Into the tombs and out of the tombs. Into the tombs and out of the tombs and out before dawn. (Runs off)

Leo (to the camera): We’ve got a thing for musicals. (Follows her)

Dani: (drawing her son) So Syd do you notice anyone you might like?

Syd: Not really mom, let’s just stay focused on the challenge.

---> Syd: My mom thinks I need a boyfriend to be happy.
---> Dani: It couldn’t hurt, you just need to give it a try.
---> Syd: No, relationships on a reality show never work. It’s like a Shakespeare romance, it’s doomed to fail. Besides I don’t think any of these guys are attracted to me in “that way”.

(Syd looks around and notices Aaryn posing like Adam in the creation of Adam. He looks smitten. Aaryn and Yves show their drawing to the artist and get their next travel tip)

Aaryn: Was it really necessary to draw me naked?

Yves: Oh come on. We’ve seen each other naked before, it’s not weird.

Aaryn: I guess not. (They head to the catacombs)

Ennui (drawing Crimson as she stands emotionlessly): Do you want to look alive in this?

Crimson: What do you think?

Ennui: Good point.

Taylor: (is drawing her mom) It's a good thing I'm the one that has to draw since I'm the best in my class and probably the whole academy.

Kelly (to the camera): I’m not bad, I actually went to art school for a while before I quit to have Taylor.

Taylor: OMG, mom it doesn’t always have to be about you.

(Tom and Jen come running in with shopping bags in their hands)

---> Jen: Getting that flat tire was the best thing that ever happened to us.
---> Tom: I have never shopped so fast in another language in my life.
---> Jen: So worth it though, I mean finding rock studded leather leggings in North America? Good luck
---> Tom: Truth.

(Carrie, Junior, and Jay all show their drawings to the artist. Carrie’s depicts Devin simply waving, Junior’s depicts a stick figure version of his father yapping, and Mickey’s is a scribbly drawing of Jay. All 3 of them get the ok and get their next travel tips)

Jay: I hope we don’t get the plague, again.

(Quince, Dani, and Nekota show the artist their drawings. Quince’s shows June looking like a Tim Burton character, Dani’s shows a younger version of herself holding a baby Syd, and Nekota’s shows Gabriella dressed like a super hero. They all get the approval and get their travel tips and go)

Nekota/Gabriella/June: First place here we come. (They realize all three of them said the same thing)

Gabriella/Nekota: Jynx! (They laugh)

June: I have no times for games! (Grabs Quince by the wrist and all 4 head down into the catacombs)

(In the catacombs MacArthur and Sanders stop. MacArthur sniffs the air.)

Sanders: What are you doing?

MacArthur: (sniffs the air) I trained myself to be able to sniff things like a beagle. (Glares) Think you can bring oranges into the country anytime you want? Think again, Sister! (sniffs the air again) This one’s it, I’m going in! (Heads down a path, she screams and Sanders heads down the path to find her underneath a skeleton) GET IT OFF ME!

Don: (voice) As the Parisian catacombs extend a warm welcome to most of our teams, others are still drawing the first challenge to a close. (Laughs) Drawing, see what I did there?

(Tom and Jen show their drawing to the artist, it shows a more caricatured version of Tom. It gets the approval and they head down carrying their bags. The rockers show their drawing next, it shows Rock holding a guitar and shredding. It gets the approval and they head down. Kitty shows her drawing of a devilish, angry looking Emma. Emma glares while the artist gives them their tip. The Step-brothers show their drawing, which is a picture of Chet as a trash bag, The Goths show their drawing of a vampiric looking Crimson. Both get the approval. Taylor shows her drawing to the artist, it shows Kelly looking like the Bride of Frankenstein. It startles the artist but he approves of their drawing anyway)

Kelly (takes the sketchpad): Mind if I show this to my surgeon?

(In the catacombs we see Noah and Owen running)

Owen: Here Cheese. (Whistles for it like a dog)

Noah: If we had any lead we’ve lost it by now. (Looks on the floor and notices a skull) Wait a minute I know that skull. Aw man we’re going in circles!

Owen: So is my stomach. (Burps) You see any restrooms signs?

---> Noah: Owen hasn’t “gone” since he ate the Moroccan stew so we knew this was coming we just didn’t know when. (Owen is running around looking for a bathroom)

(Elsewhere Geoff and Brody a running until they hit a dead-end)

Brody: Aw man, that’s the 3rd dead-end we’ve hit.

Geoff: Chill bra. If we hit all the dead ends then the only path left will be the right one.

---> Geoff: We’re both glass half full type of guys so I pour my glass into his and boom we’ve got a full glass.
---> Brody: Take that science.

(Elsewhere The Julliard students are following the gym rats)

June: Are you sure you're okay with us following you?

Nekota: Totally we’ll be out of here in no time.

Gabriella: We’ve gone spelunking many times before, this isn’t all that different.

Quince: Minus all the death.

---> June: Why would they help us? We're not working together as a quartet.
---> Quince: It's called good sportsmanship. Help is help, and we’ll gladly accept any handouts.

(On the surface Gerry and Laurie show their drawings to the artist. Gerry’s shows Pete as a baby with a bonnet, diaper, binky, and rattle. Laurie’s shows Miles as a happy flower. The artist approves of both drawings and gives them their tips)

---> Pete: I’ve got a plan. We follow the veg heads till we find the cheese, then rocket past them to the chill zone.
---> Gerry: Excellent!

(In the catacombs we see Jay and Mickey running until they notice two glowing sets of eyes. They stop and scream, holding each other. The eyes are revealed to be Crimson and Ennui)

Mickey: You scared us (they release each other) It’s a little scary down here.

Ennui: Really? I’ve never been so happy. I like this place, it could be an amusement park or a camp for kids.

Crimson: I want this as wallpaper in my bedroom. It could really liven up the place. (Jay and Mickey run away scared)

(Elsewhere Aaryn and Yves are running with Yves leading the way)

---> Aaryn: I don’t have a sense of smell, blame it on second hand smoke exposure from my dad and a battle with pneumonia I had when I was 8. On the plus side when I nearly died in a school fire he was convinced to stop. So I let Yves handle this, just like the spice challenge.
---> Yves: I‘ve got a great sense of smell. I can easily tell a designer perfume from a knock off. That’s really gonna help us here.

Aaryn: Smell anything?

Yves (sniffs the air): Yeah, I think I’m getting somewhere. (sniffs the ground like a bloodhound) This way! (They head down a tunnel)

(Elsewhere MacArthur sniffs the air)

MacArthur: Roquefort, cave aged about (sniffs the air again) 3 years. (Listens) Do you hear running water?

(They run towards the light and end up outside where they are by a riverside and there are many large wheels of cheese along the side)

MacArthur: Hell yeah! You’re coming with me. (Someone coughs off-screen. The camera pulls back to reveal its Jacques and Josee) Oh, if it isn’t the smiling Silvertons.

Josee: I hate silver! (Simply walks past them and kicks some cheese out of the way to find a sign detailing the next challenge) Victory!

Jacques: (read the tip) Sail your cheese away to where the Mona Lisa is on display.

Sanders: The Louvre!

(The camera shifts to the Louvre where Don is standing on the Carpet of Completion.)

Don: The Louvre. Home too many exotic and famous paintings I was told to stop touching. (Don attempts to touch one but a security guard slaps his hand away) OWW! Anyways, it's also today's Chill Zone. Last team here may be eliminated.

(Jacques and Josee land on their cheese effortlessly and start sailing away)

Josee: Bye! You stink worse than this cheese!

MacArthur: Well I’m not the one who forgot my oars. (Sanders holds them up)

Josee: (She says while smiling but obviously pissed off) Jacques, you we’re supposed to grab the oars! 

Jacques: Ah Merde! (Sanders and MacArthur row past them)

(In the catacombs we see the Tennis Rivals trailing behind the Vegans. The air is stale and foul)

Gerry: Boy if this what French cheese smells like then I’m officially Lactose intolerant.

Pete: I’m officially intolerant of you. (He and Pete laugh)

Miles: It appears to be coming from here.

(Laurie and Miles open a door. It’s revealed to be a bathroom that Owen is using, they all scream and the two teams run away. Above ground we see the stink caused by Owen blow a manhole cover skywards, the stink affects a nearby flock of pigeons, causing them to fly off then just as quickly fall to the ground.)

(The animaniacs and the anime nerds are seen searching the catacombs)

Jordan: May are you sure you know where you’re going?

May: Of course! As preparation for the competition I studied the underground and city maps of all the world’s major cities. I’ll get us out of here in no time.

Jordan: You said that 15 minutes ago.

Fabian: Oh have a little faith.

Sam: This would be a great place to hide a body. (To the camera) If one needed to, I’m just saying.

(Elsewhere Tom and Jen are seen walking through the catacombs with their bags)

Tom: This place is like so creepy. I feel like I’m being watched.

Jen: Hey Tom. (Camera pans to show she’s playing with a skeleton like a marionette) I’ve got a bone to pick with you. (They laugh until they hear some primal growling and look to see a menacing shadow heading towards them. They scream and run away in terror but Tom drops one of the bags and goes back to grab it, screaming all the way. The shadow is then revealed to be that of a rat who laughs at their misfortune)

(Elsewhere Leo and Annie are seen running through the Catacombs)

Leo: Man we’re not making any progress. What if we’ve already lost?

Annie: Leo don’t worry I’m sure we’ll find our way out soon. (Notices a rat on the floor, bends down to talk to it) Pardon me Mr. Rat but could you guide us to the exit?

Leo: Annie that rat isn’t going to understand you, this isn’t some flash animated Canadian cartoon.

(The rat goes in one direction and Annie follows it. Leo follows close behind)

Leo: We’re not seriously gonna follow that thing?

Annie: Why not? He lives down here, he knows the catacombs better than us.

Leo: I can’t believe I’m doing this.

(Meanwhile more teams like the Best friends, Father/Son, the Julliard students, the Daters, and the gym rats have arrived at the cheese and are rowing away to the Louvre. Further up ahead the Cadets are still in the lead but they look behind themselves and see that the Ice Dancers are paddle kicking their way to victory.)

---> Jacques: Missing paddles? HA! That won't stop us!
---> Josee: We've competed in way more dire emergencies. Jacques once got bit by a rabid squirrel but that didn't stop us.
---> Jacques: I skated dressed as a St. Bernard so the foam coming out of my mouth made sense.
---> Josee: Adapting! It's what winners do!

(They pass the cadets still smiling)

MacArthur: Those two get creepier by the minute

Ryan: (Stephanie is paddling while he is ready to paddle) Time to put this cheese into overdrive! (Throws the paddle in the air but doesn't catch it causing it to float away) Oops. Babe, pass me your oar! I'll double time it! (She throws her paddle to him but he misses again causing to float away again. Stephanie glares at him as he puts his head down in shame.) Awww man.

Stephanie: Just use your hands. (They continue to paddle with their hands)

---> Ryan: (Stephanie looks pissed) I'm sorry baby, I promise I'll make it up.
---> Stephanie: (smiles) It's okay sugarbumpkin. Just make sure it NEVER happens again. (Crosses her arms)

(Elsewhere the siblings are still following that rat. Annie runs ahead of Leo)

Leo: Annie wait! I don’t want to lose you (he runs up a set of stairs) down… here… (He and Annie have reached the cheese) Well that worked out better than expected.

Annie: Come on! (She hands him a panel and then tosses the cheese into the Seine and hops on it. Leo follows quickly behind) That $1 million isn’t going to win itself! (They start paddling)

(The animaniacs and the anime nerds reach the surface and the cheese soon after)

May: Ha! Told you I’d get us out of there.

Jordan (reading the tip): Well come on! We gotta start paddling to the Louvre. (She and Fabian hop on the cheese and start paddling. Sam and May follow shortly behind)

Fabian: Don’t worry I’ll keep the drawings dry. (Puts the sketchpads underneath his chin)

Sam: You do that.

Don (voice): Most of the teams have reached the water. But for those still in the catacombs the big challenge is to not come in last. (The vegans and tennis rivals are still seen searching)

---> Pete: We’ve made a terrible mistake.
---> Gerry: I thought veggie heads would be able to sniff out dairy in a snap.
---> Pete: Go home now and we’d be lucky to land a sponsor ship deal for tube socks. I hate them! You never can figure out where to put your heel.
---> Gerry: Well there goes the tube sock sponsorship.

(Noah and Owen make it up ground and find the cheese)

Owen: (bear hugs Noah) WOOHOO!

Noah: (can't breathe) H-help me....

Owen: Oh sorry. (Sets Noah down)

Noah: (reads the tip as Owen grabs the cheese) Okay, it says here to paddle the cheese to the Louvre. I'll grab the oars and you place the cheese in the- (turns around to see Owen has taken a bite out of the cheese) Why am I not surprised?

Owen: What? It's delicious. (Tries to eat more but Noah smacks him) Oww!

(We see Jay and Mickey rowing their way down the Seine)

Jay: We seem pretty far behind.

Mickey: Don’t worry, we may be behind but no other teams have passed us. (The siblings, animaniacs, and anime nerds all pass them) Okay, maybe worry now. (They paddle harder)

Jay: If there’ a brightside to all this at least our lactose intolerance hasn’t kicked in. (Both he and Mickey sneeze) Never mind.

(Up ahead Josee and Jacques are still in the lead)

Josee: The Louvre! Over there! (The camera pans to show the Louvre, they get to the lower part of the street and stop to smile & wave to the camera, as they do this the cadets pass them and start rolling their cheese up the stairs and the Ice Dancers follow behind determined. They race until the cadets make it to the chill zone first)

Don: Congratulations cadets, you take 1st place. Ice Dancers take silver.

MacArthur (dancing): What don’t hear victory music? Oh yeah, that’s because you didn’t win.

(Josee glares)

Don: And for coming in 1st you get a $5000 shopping spree in Paris.

Sanders: Oh lovely!

MacArthur: Meh.

Don: You both also get your choice of either a custom designed dress or suit.

MacArthur: I’ll take the suit.

(We check on the teams still paddling to the Louvre. We see that Owen is eating his and Noah’s raft)

Noah: Dude! Knock it off! You’re eating our raft!

Owen: Ok, I’ll stop. (Take a bite) Last one (takes another bite) Ok, last one for real.

(The sisters, the Goths, the step brothers, Mom/Daughter, the geniuses and mother/son start paddling quickly to make up for lost time. They all pass the adversity twins who are doing their best but it’s still not enough. Noah is now seen paddling Owen down the Seine. Back at the cheese the Fashion bloggers are getting ready to depart. Jen is tossing the bags to Tom as he balances them. The models then arrive and notice them in distress)

Aaryn: Hey you need help?

Yves: We’d be happy to take half of those off your back. (Jen ponders for a moment then responds)

Jen: Okay. But guard these with your lives, GOT IT?!

Both: Got it! (They take their half of the bags and then hop on their cheese. Yves is paddling while Aaryn holds them precariously)

---> Yves: I’m an expert at keeping things balanced. I’m a gymnast. But are you sure you can hold them all?
---> Aaryn: Anything for a friend in need.

Tom: You sure you want to leave half of our clothes with them?

Jen: Don’t worry, anyone that dresses that good is trustworthy.

Tom: (he's holding up their half of the bags on the cheese) Okay then. I got all these bags and they're secure. But I’m thinking you’re gonna have to swim.

Jen: (determined) I'll do it. For the good name of fashion!

Tom: (gasps loudly) WHAT?!

---> Tom: This is HUGE! Jen doesn't let her hair get wet unless she's showering or her beautician is doing it.

(Jen jumps into the water)

Tom: Are you okay?

Jen: (pops up) Yeah, let's just get this over with. (She notices a frog on her head and she screams, she then grabs the back of the cheese and begins kicking it to the Louvre)

(Back at the Louvre Geoff and Brody arrive)

Don: 3rd place.

(They chest bump)

---> Brody/Geoff: (high 5)
---> Geoff: Progress! 

Don (voice): (Best Friends arrive) 4th! (Dwayne and Junior arrive) 5th! (The gym rats arrive) 6th! (The Julliard students arrive) 7th!

Nekota: Nice job everyone.

Quince: See we’re catching up.

June: I’ll really be impressed once we win a leg. (To Gabriella and Nekota) But thank you for your help anyways.

Gabriella: No prob bob, just call if you ever need help and maybe we could all form an alliance.

June: Why don’t you toss me in the Seine now and save yourself the trouble of eliminating me? (Walks off)

Quince: We'll consider it and get back to you on that. (Walks off with her)

(The last teams reach the exit and read the tip. The Vegans hop on their cheese along with the rockers and then the Tennis rivals. The rivals take time to mock their competitors before paddling off)

Miles: How rude!

Spud: I thought old people were supposed to be nice.

Rock: Start paddling man. (He gives spud an oar and they start to paddle. The Vegans follow close behind)

---> Pete: The thing is, age is all in your head.
---> Gerry: And in your joints.
---> Pete: And it also has to do with the year you were born. (They both laugh)

Don: And here come some more teams! (The Daters arrive) 8th! (The Siblings arrive) 9th! (The Anime Nerds arrive) 10th! (The Animaniacs arrive) 11th! (The Sisters arrive) 12th!

Don: (Owen and Noah show up) Here comes Noah and his ark! Twenty minute penalty! (A big red 20:00 is shown above them and starts counting down)

Owen: W-what?! Why?

Don: You were supposed to paddle your cheese roll to the Louvre, not eat it then paddle.

Owen: But I’ve eaten so much I practically am cheese!

Don: Yes you are, now sit and hope you’re penalty doesn’t get you eliminated.

(Owen frowns)

---> Owen: I'm gonna feel so bad if my love of cheese gets us eliminated. And guess what's worse? I could really go for some cheese right now! (Cries a bit) I have no self-control! I’m like a dog!
---> Noah: (grabs a newspaper and hits him) Bad partner! Bad! Bad! (Owen whimpers and Noah rolls his eyes)

Don (voice): With one team waiting for their penalty to end the 4 teams in last place battle to reach the chill zone first. (Laurie and Miles have determined looks on their faces)

---> Laurie: The thought of coming in last place made us realize that we needed to step up our game.
---> Miles: Yeah. We were super charged up.

(They row past the Tennis rivals as do the rockers)

Gerry: What the hell? We're the athletes here! All they eat is bird seed and sunlight!

---> Laurie: (she and Miles are eating bird seeds) Pass the bird seeds. (Miles does so and Laurie chews on more bird seeds)

Jay: (Both of them are a little stuffy) Come on! We can do this! (The rockers and Vegans pass them) Hurry! (They row as fast as they can, which isn’t much)

Don (voice): (The Geniuses arrive) 13th! (Mother/Son arrive) 14th! (Mother/Daughter arrive) 15th! (The Models arrive) 16th! (The Fashion bloggers arrive) 17th! (The Goths arrive) 18th! (The Step-brothers arrive) 19th!

(Owen starts sweating nervously while Noah paces around impatiently. The vegans and the rockers come in rolling their cheese quickly)

Don: Vegans take 20th and Rockers take 21st. Only two spots left, who’s gonna make it?

(The clock above Noah/Owen reads 3:00)

Owen: Oh man this is torture!

(The Tennis rivals and the Adversity twins are still paddling to the chill zone. The clock Reads 2:30)

Owen: Here come the last two teams!

(The Tennis rivals are struggling to carry their cheese up the steps while the Twins can’t seem to pass them, the Tennis rivals loose grip of their cheese and it rolls over the adversity twins, everyone who saw this cringes. The clock reads 1:30. Owen continues to sweat. The Tennis rivals and the Twins start to roll their cheese towards the Louvre, but neither are very fast.)

Noah: Come on! How much longer?! (The clock hits zero and a buzzer is heard)

Don: Reality tv pros, you’re time is up! (Owen and Noah dive into the carpet) 22nd! And…

(The Tennis rivals and the Adversity twins are neck and neck, each pulling slightly ahead of each other until…..)

Don: Tennis Rivals take 23rd! (Both Gerry and Pete breathe a sigh of relief)

---> Pete: That was way to close!
---> Gerry: My single bypass surgery was close, this was almost lethal.
---> Pete: Well we’re still in the race. That’s gotta count for something.
---> Gerry: 23rd place counts about as good as my retirement balance (They laugh)

Don: Adversity twins I’m sorry but you’ve been eliminated. (Jay and Mickey look downtrodden) But if it’s any consolation most of the crew thought you two would be the first to go, so you made it farther than we all expected and that’s something to be proud of. (They perk up and leave)

=== Best of Jay and Mickey === (A slideshow of Jay and Mickey's best moments from the Ridonculous Race are shown as they leave the competition. Jay and Mickey voice over as they leave the competition.)

Jay: (voice) I know we should be upset that we lost but I'm more proud of us than anything.

Mickey: (voice) Yeah a lot of people said we wouldn’t make it past episode one but we proved them wrong and that’s what important.

Jay: (voices) We did our best and kept going when the adversity got tough for us.

Mickey: (voice) Well, we are the Adversity Twins.

Jay: (voice) Yeah that we are. That we are. (They laugh)

(Jay and Mickey are seen walking off into the city at night.)

Mickey: At least we left before we suffered anything serious.

Jay: Yeah the last thing we need is another concussion. (Both sneeze again) We should probably take our medication before this gets worse.

Mickey: Good thinking. (Both stop walking and start rummaging through their backpack as the screen fades to black)

Chapter #3

Yeah about Jay and Mickey, I decided to just cut their losses where they stood and save them alot of abuse. At least they can take solace in the fact they weren't eliminated 1st. Can I just say how much i love the original episode, it's one of my favorite episodes in the whole total drama series, I've always wanted to go to Paris. My favorite part about writing this episode was describing all the different drawings the contestants made and the into the woods reference I made.

Team Placements:

MacArthur & Sanders (1st Place) 
Jacques & Josee (2nd Place)
Geoff & Brody (3rd Place)
Devin & Carrie (4th Place)
Dwayne & Junior (5th Place)
Gabriella & Nekota (6th Place)
June & Quince (7th Place)
Ryan & Stephanie (8th Place)
Leo & Annie (9th Place)
Sam & May (10th Place) 
Jordan & Fabian (11th Place)
Emma & Kitty (12th Place)
Mary & Ellody (13th Place)
Dani & Syd (14th Place)
Kelly & Taylor (15th Place)
Aaryn & Yves (16th Place)
Tom & Jen (17th Place)
Crimson & Ennui (18th Place)
Chet & Lorenzo (19th Place)
Laurie & Miles (20th Place)
Rock & Spud (21st Place)
Owen & Noah (22nd Place)
Gerry & Pete (23rd place)

Jay & Mickey (24th) 
Leonard & Tammy (25th) 

Last chapter:
Next Chapter:

Next Episode: The Mediterranean 

Comment on what you like and what you think, enjoy! 
NHHAUGHERS Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2017
Nice one mate!
Shirley4444 Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2017
Sucks that the twins are out, but I am glad the Cadets won 1st place.
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Submitted on
January 27